Falling In Love, Alone

Chapter 3

“Alex, you’ve been staring at your ceiling for twenty minutes,” Lisa whined, throwing a bouncy ball at Alex’s bedroom wall repeatedly.  Alex remained staring off at the top white wall, blinking only when necessary. Lisa had been waiting for some sort of reaction from Alex, but nothing was all she got. He felt bad that she was there, but then again, she was there by choice.

                Lisa. Leave. Just leave. Get out. This isn’t a time for you. This isn’t Lisa time. Fucking leave. Just leave. Dude, get the fuck out. What the hell are you doing here? GO! What the fuck Alex, why are you talking to yourself in your mind. Alright, just kiss her. Maybe she’ll leave then. Maybe she’ll get things off your mind.

                With those thoughts, Alex sat up and turned his head towards Lisa. She sat still, staring aimlessly at him in adoration. He let the edges of his lips lift into a grin, remembering how happy she used to make him feel. Used to. Before Jack came along. Before there was anyone.

                “Come here,” He whispered to her. Her face beamed and her eyes glowed as she cautiously got up and sat on his lap. She gazed deep into his eyes, searching for answers that would never be found, and kissed his lips passionately. She ran her fingers through his hair, tugging only slightly, but hinting for more. Alex, on the other hand, sat still and practically motionless. His lips were doing things against what his mind was saying. Lisa didn’t care at that point; she wanted to get something out of him. She pressed her palms against his chest, pushing him back against his mattress, kissing him roughly, then softly, over and over again. Alex closed his eyes tightly, begging for something to get her off of him.

                “Hey, slut, your mom’s outside” Tom spat at Lisa, leaning against Alex’s doorway. Lisa waved Tom off and continued at Alex until Tom slammed his fist against the wall to get her attention. She turned her face towards him angrily and got off Alex.

                “I’ll see ya tomorrow,” She said, puckering for a goodbye kiss. But Alex rejected it by just giving her a hug. She nodded her head with a grimace and twisted her body to leave. Alex reached out and then quickly put his arm back at his side. He couldn’t handle her today. Tom watched Lisa leave with a smirk, almost punching her when she flipped her hair into his face.

                “How do you deal with that?” Tom laughed, turning away to leave.

                “Wait,” Alex stopped him. Tom turned back around and looked curiously at him. “How do you get rid of bad thoughts?”

                “Define bad,” Tom said ponderously. Alex looked past his brother, thinking of how he could say that he’s been thinking about Jack nonstop. He didn’t want to come right out and say it, but he couldn’t find an alternative.

                “I can’t stop…thinking… about someone.” Alex trailed off, thinking of Jacks eyes.

                “So someone other than Lisa?” Tom asked, just to make sure. Alex nodded his head slowly. “Those are easy thoughts to fix, Alex. If you think about someone more than your own girlfriend, that’s obviously who you want to be with.” Alex’s eyes opened in shock. If he wanted to be with the person he was thinking about…he’d have to be with Jack. But that wasn’t right. That’d mean he was gay. Oh no Alex thought.

                “I don’t think that’s it,” Alex said, laying back on his bed.

                “Sorry, you asked for my opinion. Didn’t realize there was a wrong answer,” Tom shrugged, walking towards Alex to inspect him. Alex shook his head until his neck became too sore to function. Tom sat in the seat Lisa was in, trying to bare the reek of perfume she left behind.