Falling In Love, Alone

Chapter 6

                He ignored all of the warning signs. He let his own brother slip away into depression. He let his brother sink further down until he was drowning in his own misery. He watched his brother collapse, while he was hooking up with Jack and Lisa. He could have saved him. He could have reported his actions, but he didn’t. Now, the guilt would hang over him all day, every day, for the rest of his life. His brother took the quickest way out. The pills to hype himself up, the slits to insure blood loss, the tape for suffocation, and the rope to seal the deal. He did it all just to get the hell out of this fucked up life. Alex thought that maybe, if he had noticed, he could have led his brother down a better path. That was a thought well overdue. He would have to live with the consequences.

                The funeral was a closed casket, obviously. Alex could barely handle everyone with their sympathy and pity. Alex wanted none of that; he just wanted his brother back. He watched Jack stand paralyzed and Lisa sit in silence. Jack had tried to revive Tom. Jack actually tried, knowing there was no use. Alex was the one who should have done that, but wasn’t physically capable of doing it. Alex was standing alone, people thought he needed space when he actually wanted the complete opposite. He was relieved when Lisa finally trotted over.

                “Alex,” She whispered, holding his hand between both of hers. She leaned her head against his shoulder, letting the tears roll down her face and onto his sleeve.

                “He’s gone, Lisa,” Alex stuttered. “I’m already forgetting him,”

                “That’s the goal of life, to be remembered,” Lisa said, leaning her face closer against Alex’s shoulder. “Try your hardest to remember,”

                She was being sincere and kind and gentle. The Lisa he first met.

                “I was so worried about…other things,” Alex caught himself before saying Jack’s name. “I can’t go home tonight. Not to that house.” Alex insisted, shaking his head, letting the first tears since the beginning of the funeral stream down his cheeks.

                “I’m sure Jack would let you stay with him,” Lisa assured. Alex looked at her confused. “You know my parents, they’d never… I’m sorry,” Lisa pouted, but Alex kissed her lips to reassure her.

                “You’ve done more than enough,” He remarked, trying to smile but couldn’t manage one. Alex lifted his head as Jack nodded towards the door to hint they could go. Lisa hugged him tightly.

                “I love you, Alexander.” She said, so innocently that Alex smiled slightly. What he couldn’t do, was say those three words back.

                “Goodbye, my Lisa.” He knew she was disappointed a bit, but he also knew she could take into consideration that his brother had just committed suicide. Jack put his arm around Alex and led him to his car, putting the key in the ignition.

                “Alright, it’s your choice. Where are we going?” Jack said. It was a horribly beautiful day out. Alex wanted it to be thundering and lightning like in the movies, but of course, things never turned out the way he wanted them to.

                “Somewhere, where we can be alone,” Alex said, leaning his head against the car window.

                “My parents will most likely be comforting yours for the rest of the day, so my house is empty.” Jack informed. Alex nodded only the littlest bit and Jack caught it. They sped through town to Jack’s house. Jack took the long way so that Alex’s house wouldn’t be passed.