Alex was at Jack’s house in minutes. His heart was beating rapidly and irregularly as his feet moved at a pace that his mind could barely fathom. When he arrived at the front door, Alex remembered the argument they had earlier and decided to just walk in so he couldn’t be rejected. He slowly crept up the stairs, insuring Jack wouldn’t be able to hear him. When he reached the boys room, Jack sat on the edge of the bed, face buried in his hands. Alex, forgetting about the creaky floor board, made Jack jilt his head towards Alex’s direction. Jack sighed, sound relieved but showing an expression of grief, and held his face in his hands once again.
“I can’t handle this,” Jack said, tilting his head to the floor.
“Great, I’m glad I’m not the only one,” Alex laughed a little and then took a seat next to Jack.
“Everything felt right at first. Everything was normal,”
“Normal. What a funny word. What a lie of a word. Nothing is ever really normal,” Alex admitted, patting Jack on the shoulder.
“I can’t believe you remember that,” Jack winced, remembering back a long time ago.
“Remind me, what got us talking in 9th grade Jack?” Alex asked, staring at Jack’s messy hair. It didn’t take longer than a second for Jack to remember.
“‘Before I leave’ the winner of the short story contest; it was sent anonymously so we got to go over it in class,” Jack stated.
“And?” Alex said.
“And we were pared up to talk about how it made us feel,” Jack continued. “We both felt the same,”
“Do you remember what the story was about?” Alex asked.
“A girl who never stopped caring about a guy, and took a bullet for him even though they had stopped talking for years,” Jack answered, “She was mentally gone and locked inside her own imagination.”
“And we always wondered why should would have ever put that on herself. Taking a bullet for a douche bag who we thought never cared about her.” Alex said, sighing.
“That was a good one; honestly, I always wondered who wrote it. Now that I’m thinking about it again, I just want to reread it. It was one of the best things I ever read.” Jack admitted.
“Remember how we said we’d date the person who wrote it, even if they weren’t a girl?” Jack and Alex laughed simultaneously at the irony.
“We argued if the guy with the gun was justified. He was fed up with society and wanted to help it in a more effective way. But was weeding off the idiots’ right?” Alex questioned.
“And how the last thing the girl saw was the boy crying his eyes out and screaming for help,” Jack sighed.
“You know what pissed me off?” Alex asked angrily. “The author never gave the narrator a name. She was no named the entire time. That irritated me.” Jack nodded in agreement and they both laughed a little more.
“See this? This is what I like,” Jack announced. “We’re talking like we used to. Bonding over things we like. Listening to each other’s opinions.”
Alex thought about what his brother had said to that girl. That Jack and he were good for one another but not WITH one another. He frantically searched his mind for answers, and for once something came out. He did like Jack. They were good together. They just didn’t know if they were good with each other, and they weren’t giving each other the chance.
“That short story will always bring us together,” Alex laughed. Jack leaned back against his bed happily and Alex joined him.
“It’s cool too, no one else understands what we’re talking about unless they were in the class.” Jack laughed.
“I would do that to you, if you stopped being my friend. Or started hating me,” Alex said, moving his arms behind his head. “I’d take that mothafucking bullet,”
Jack took a long look at Alex to see his expression. Then, Jack pulled himself up and kissed Alex quickly on the lips. He lay back down next to him and stared at the ceiling again.
“That’s a crazy thought, I’d never start hating you, ever,” Jack said, smiling.
“And what makes you say that?” Alex’s newly bright face shined.
“I’ll never stop loving you,” Jack said. Alex couldn’t handle hearing the word love, not after what that girl had just told him about it.
“If I die, like the girl in the short story, don’t you dare kill yourself like he did,” Alex said, changing the subject.
“So long as you don’t jump in front of me to take a bullet,” Jack smiled.
“I’m serious,” Alex sighed, staring at Jack.
“I know you are,” Jack replied, “I’d be a wreck without you thought, Alex”
“Why’s that?”
“Do you know how many people I trust? Only one person. And that person is you. I don’t even trust myself. I need you, Alex,” And the truth was, Alex needed him as well.
“I don’t trust myself either,” Alex said, folding his hands on his stomach, “That’s why I can’t be with you. Not because I don’t want to be. Not because I’m embarrassed. But because you’re the one person I never want to hurt.”
“You don’t realize it,” Jack started, “But by not being with me, you’re hurting me.”
“Well, what do you expect me to do, Jack?” Alex said aggressively.
“Come on now, let’s not start another fight,” Jack sighed. “Just think about it Alex. I’m putting everything I’ve got into you. I’m dumping Holly tomorrow, because I really don’t want her anymore. It’s not fair to her, and it’s not fair to me to have you let me think this way. I’m okay with just being friends Alex, but you keep me hoping. You keep me thinking I have a chance. I know, I know I restrict myself from showing how much I care about you. That’s because you show little to none affection for me. You have a whole other life apart from me. You want to have both. But only one can be your reality. So you have to make up your mind Alex. It can’t keep changing. It’s either you want me, or you don’t. I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me,”
And yet, Alex was worrying. Alex wanted both lives. Alex didn’t want to make up his mind. After ten minutes worth of a pause, Alex began to speak.
“Hey, let’s get the band together,” Alex randomly added, jumping off the bed in hopes that Jack would follow and allow them both to forget about the last conversation they had. Jack pulled out his cell phone, pretending to have forgotten.
(if you wish to see the short story Jack and Alex are referring to, check out my profile and click on the story 'Before I Leave' )
YOU ARE READING
Falling In Love, Alone
FanficAlex was so sure he had his life figured out. Jack didn't even realize what life could do to him. All they knew was they had each other. But in what way?
