Alex stayed home from school the rest of the week; Tom did as well since Alex couldn’t force him to get up. Jack called frantically, Lisa was waiting for the phone call Alex promised, and the band couldn’t continue without their singer. Finally, on Saturday afternoon, Alex walked into Tom’s room to wake him up.
“Hey, can I talk to you?” Alex asked, pushing at his brother’s. Usually, Tom would ignore Alex, but he could hear the urge in Alex’s voice. Tom rolled over to get a better look at his brother.
“Yeah, uh, what’s up,” Tom rubbed his eyes as if he hadn’t opened them in days. Which was true.
“I think I want to die,” Alex sighed. Tom laughed and rolled back over on his side to get his face out of Alex’s view. Angry, Alex said:
“Glad you want me dead,”
“You don’t know what it means to want to die,” Tom shrugged.
“And perhaps you do?” Alex aggressively stated, getting off Tom’s bed in fury.
“Yes, yes I do.” He managed. “When you want to die, you don’t bother thinking about what could happen, what has happened, what will happen, and what should happen. You think about how the hell you’re getting the fuck out of this shit hole, and how fast you can get the fuck out. You take in as much alcohol as you can so you don’t have to remember all the shit you end up doing, so that you can play tricks on your memory like your memory plays tricks on you. That’s what it means to want to die. To actually want to kill yourself. To want to find the fastest way out. Not the best way, not the easiest, but the quickest.”
Alex stomped out of Tom’s room in disgust. How could he have ever expected Tom to understand what he was feeling? All Tom thought about was the fucked up world he was put in. The world that was tearing Alex apart. It was time to call someone, because Alex really needed somebody to talk to. He dialed Jacks number.
“Jack—“Alex started.
“Alex, where the hell have you been?” Jack said concerned. He definitely doesn’t remember the blow job Alex thought to himself.
“I’ve just been sick, got a little wasted at the party,” Alex made up an excuse.
“That makes two of us,” Jack sighed.
“Well, I mean, do you want to come over?” Alex offered. Jack agreed and hung up the phone. Alex tried to tidy up, but Jack was at his house in seconds.
“Hey,” Jack called from the front of the house.
“Just come up,” Alex yelled from out his window. Today was sunny, completely against how Alex was feeling inside. Jack walked into Alex’s room and took a seat beside him, making Alex feel a whole lot more comfortable. He didn’t want to feel comfortable though.
“Goddamnit, Jack” Alex stated, “Just stop,”
“Stop what?” Jack asked, utterly confused.
“Being so…you,” Alex managed, swallowing whatever pride he had left. Jack placed his hand on Alex’s knee and rubbed up and down his thigh to calm him down, but it only made him more eager. Why was it so hard to WANT to be with someone he liked?
YOU ARE READING
Falling In Love, Alone
FanfictionAlex was so sure he had his life figured out. Jack didn't even realize what life could do to him. All they knew was they had each other. But in what way?
