Blizzard !

(8 )- Confessions of Our Hearts

Kane Brown (with Lauren Alaina) "What Ifs" - CD - "Kane Brown"

Copyright March 2017 - Dakini456Ohana

"Susanna?" Noah asks softly, looking down into my eyes, stroking my hair, holding me so close to him. He's asking me if I am willing to trust him, mind, body, and soul to take the next step in our relationship...he wants to be my lover...wants us  to become lovers...wow. He has said that he wants to be celibate until he got married....

"Noah ? I thought you wanted to wait until you got married...?" I say, just as softly.

"Yes, I've said that...I want  to marry you, Susanna. Share our lives together. When I was walking to your house, all I could feel and think about was that I was coming Home...to you...it was where I belonged...and I couldn't get here fast enough. But, I can't wait, don't want  to wait...I'm 25 yrs oId, a grown man, I know my own mind, I know what I want...you...I don't think what we're feeling is wrong, not by any means...do you?"

"No...are you asking me to marry you, Noah?" 

"I've lain awake so many lonely nights...you're all I can think of...I want to be by your side...in each others arms...making love.... being together, talking, sharing our lives, our thoughts and dreams...I've never felt this way before, about any  woman,...melodramatic as all this may sound..." he sighed. He gets down on one knee, looking up at me, "Susanna...do you love me? Will you marry me? I'm sorry I don't have a ring for your finger at the moment, but when this blizzard is over, I will be rectifying that situation. Will you marry me, Susanna?" He looks up at me hopefully, smiling, holding my hand, both eyebrows raised, beautiful blue eyes shining at me. He looks like an adorable little boy. I love this man...so much...

"Yes, and yes, Noah." I smile. His smile lights up the room, kisses the top of my hand like the chivalrous knight that he is; stands back up. "But you're little scared, aren't you?" he asks, searching my face.

"Yes.  Noah...when I love someone, I love hard. Do you understand that? I do not play head games. I haven't loved someone like this in a very long time. I'm feeling wide open and very vulnerable; I've no defenses or walls up. I'd hate to trust, and get my heart shattered. Do you understand that? "

"Yes,...yes, I know what that feels like. Christie,...you know..."

"Yes, I know. When I saw that happen to you on TV, my heart just broke for you. I did think you and Christie were really cute together. I wanted to reach through that TV and give you a great big hug, telling you I was sorry to see you hurt so much, and that things would get better." I smiled. 

Noah smiled."You and your big, kind heart and sweet soul. No wonder I fell in love with you." He brushes hair away from my face, takes it his hands, and gives me the tenderest of kisses. " You are  my Soulmate. My Beautiful, Sacred Treasure. Trust  me, Susanna. Trust in us."

Suddenly, somehow, my armor all falls away and I feel lighter, happier, hopeful. "Yes, my  sweet Noah. I will. I do." I  hug Noah close to me, give him a smile of happy surrender, my eyes full of willingness and love for my Renaissance Man.

Noah's body language changes to one of desire for me. His blue eyes darken, I can feel him tremble. He lays his forehead on mine, whispering "Susanna,...please,..."

"Yes, Noah." I take his hand. "Come on."

We walk out of my kitchen. I start to lead him in the direction of my bedroom....

"No, Susanna." he stops me in the living room.

"What, Noah?" I look at him, puzzled.

"Here. Now." he indicates the roaring fire, the living room floor. He grabs the fuzzy throw that I had placed on the couch in preparation of his surprise. He kneels and lays it down in front of the fireplace. He looks at me, reaches for my hand. "Come here, my love. Let me love you."

Oh God, no ! I would much rather our first time be in the dark, or with some candles lit, in my bed. Not that I think making love in front of the fireplace is a bad idea. Heck, I'm all for that...but my body ... oh hell  no! I am not  ready to have Noah see me like that. I am no young slim thing in Victoria's Secret lingerie.  I've never had to wear a push-up bra in my entire life. My large breasts were the only good thing I ever inherited from my daddy's side of the family! I definitely have a booty, but it does not resemble J-Lo's! My tummy shows just how much I love sweets; no, not  from eating my  own candy, I honestly don't  eat very much of it at all. I do love pastries, cookies,  cakes, and ice cream, however! My body is not young by any means. I've definitely got miles on it. I'm not ready for Noah to see me like that just yet!

"No, Noah. Come on, sweetie." I gently tug his hand, give him a wink and a sexy smile, hoping I can entice him into my dark lair.

"No, Susanna. I want to make love to you here. I've dreamed about it for so long, you in the firelight..." Noah smiles, gently tugs my hand.

"Noah...I can't. I'm not ready for you to see  me in the firelight, okay? You may not be ready for it either, even though you might think you are." I  am full of shame about how I look, and I don't want Noah to be repulsed. "Sometimes, the dream is better than the reality, darlin' and it should be left that way, okay? C'mon, sweetie. Please." I can't look him in the face, tug gently on his hand trying to get him to stand up.

"Susanna. Here. Now, my love." Noah speaks firmly, smiling, pointing at the blanket, gently  tugs my hand again.

S'cuse me? Who does he think he is??

"Noah," my eyes fill with tears, start to fall. I still can't look at him, shake my head. "I can't, okay? I can't.  Please don't make  me."

"Why are you crying? I don't understand..."

"Oh Noah! For Pete's sake! I'm ashamed of my body; ashamed of how I look naked! Don't you get it?? What you imagine I look like in the firelight and what I actually  look like in the firelight are 2 completely different  things!!! Please don't make  me!! I'm not comfortable with that at all !! I do want us to make love in front of the fireplace, but not  our first  time, okay? I'm not going to be comfortable with it, and I won't be able to relax. Anyway," I turn and look at him with a small smile, "it's not like you're going to be leaving here anytime soon. You're snowed in with me, babe, so we'll have our time in the firelight. Can you please just allow me this, okay? I will be able to enjoy it and you a whole lot more where I'm comfortable."

Noah looks up at me, sees the tear tracks on my cheeks. He stands, smiles, drawing me into his arms. He wipes away my tears, giving me a gentle kiss on each cheek. "My sweet, sweet, Susanna...I didn't mean to make you cry, my love. Susanna, that's one of the reasons I love you; you're a woman, with a woman's curves. I think I told you earlier tonight I loved how soft you are, didn't I ?" he raised an eyebrow, smiled. "I know what your body looks like; I've thought about it often enough when I'm alone in my tent at night!  And anyway, the body is a just a vehicle for your soul, and that's what I'm making love to, Susanna. Your precious, sweet, heart and soul." he hugs me.

"Mr. Brown, you certainly have a way with words." I smile. 

"Thank you, My Lady." he grins devilishly at me. "I also have a way with my hands..." and he proceeds to demonstrate while I squeal. "Noah!" and we both laugh. "Woman," he takes my hand, "lead me to your boudoir, and have your way with me."

"Oh, Mr. Brown, I fully intend to!" I laugh and lead Noah towards my bedroom. "You'd better hang on for the ride!"