Starting Over Again (The story is under revision.)

Chapter 14 - Flashback 2012

Isobelle's POV

Last Straw...

We made love. Issues were set aside to release our pent up emotions. Nakahiga pa rin kami ngayon ni Lance. Walang umiimik sa aing dalawa... Parehas kaming nakatihaya at nakatingin sa kisame na animo'y nandun ang mga kasagutan sa aming kinahaharap na problema. Problema nga ba ang meron kami o hindi lang kami marunong magpakumbaba. Siguro nasaktan ko siya sa naging desisyon ko. Nasabi ni mama na pumunta si Lance sa bahay nung isang linggo right after the discussion that we had. My parents were so disappointed. Expected na yun. Si Odette, she just kept mum. Sabi lang niya, as long as I'm happy, that's important. Happy ba ako...I dunno. It's a matter of being relieved. Free? I think that's the right thing to say.

For 24 years, I had been living my parents' dreams. Sabi nila indemand ang nurses abroad, so to please them, I pursued it. When I was in high school, I never thought nor see myself wearing the white uniform of nurses. I was afraid of injections and until now. Kakatawa because now, medyo marami na rin akong naturukan. I wanted to be a lawyer pero dahil hindi kaya ng pera namin, I just opted to go for what they wanted me to take. Nung naging kami ni Lance, dun ko napansin na medyo may pagka domineering niya. Not in a bad way though. Kapag sa tingin niya hindi makabubuti sa relasyon namin, he would easily say no. Sa tingin ko for two years and so, he also dominated our relationship. Hindi naman sa nasasakal ako. I just felt caged somehow.

Matagal na niyang alam na mahilig ako magbasa. Infact, he even gave me several books as birthday presents. Matagal na kong nagsusulat pero siyempre wala pang napa-publish. Nagsimula ako sa Wattpad. It's an application online na pwede kang magbasa and make your own stories as well. Dami kong unpublished stories dun... but never kong nai-share yun kay Lance. I don't know why. Mas alam pa nga yun ni Nica, yung barkada ko sa college. Isa na siyang editor sa isang medyo sikat na publication company. Nica was vocal ever since that we met that she might not become a nurse after graduation. She would just finish it for her parents' sake. Medyo pareho kasi kami ng sitwasyon. Siya rin ang nag encourage sa akin to do this. Pero hindi ko sasabihin yun kay Lance dahil ayokong ma-badshot sa kanya si Nica.

Pinakiramdaman ko si Lance kung natutulog na ba siya. I shifted to the right to look at him and I was suprised to see him watching me. This is it! Why prolong the agony. I just hope he understands this time.

"Lance.../Belle..."

"No you go first Lance..."

Lance: No you go ahead. What is it that you want to say?

"Well, I submitted my resignation. "

Tumingin lang siya sa akin at muling tumihaya at tumingin ulit sa kisame.

Lance: Tell me what I don't know Belle.

"So you knew already about my resignation?"

Lance: Yes. Tita told me when I dropped by sa bahay ninyo.

He looked at me again. But his expression changed to somewhat irritated.

"What now Lance? Galit ka na naman? Aren't you going to listen to me first?"

Lance: What's there to know? You already decided . Parang huli na atang ngayon ka pa kukunsulta sa akin. Why having second thoughts about your decision and consider na tama ako?

He smirked at me.

"No Lance! I'm not consulting you nor having second thoughts. Why can't you understand that this is my dream... of all people ikaw pa ang hahadlang sa pangarap ko. I graduated sa nursing school. I became a registered nurse. Siguro naman, I've proven that kahit hindi ko gusto yung kurso na yun, I still achieved something di ba... I worked for a nurse for 2 years...hindi na siguro masama yun... Ayokong dumating sa punto na makompromiso ko ang lisensiya ko dahil hindi na ako masaya sa ginagawa ko. I lost the drive Lance... wala na yung passion... I wanted to do something that excites me...gives me freedom... Please, please babe...sana intindihin mo naman..."