Starting Over Again (The story is under revision.)

Chapter 13 - Flashback 2012

Isobelle's POV

Parting time?

Bakit ganun Lance? For someone who loves me dearly, for someone who gives me hope and strength, ikaw pa ang unang-unang makasasakit ng kalooban ko. Why baby...why? I really can't understand... All I need is support...encouragement... for something that I really want to do, to be... Mahirap bang ibigay yun mula sa iyo? I understand, your career is doing well and I'm very happy for you...proud even... You have achieved greatly far from what you expected... How about me? Aren't you happy that finally I'm starting to build my own... Na sinisimulan ko nang abutin ang mga pangarap ko? You're just like my family... you don't trust that I can do this...

Ito ang mga kaisipan ko habang papunta ako sa hospital na pinagtatrabahuhan ko... I should be energetic and alive kasi kailangan kong mgaing ganun sa dami ng pasyente ngayon sa hospital... Pero wala eh... I can't find the drive anymore... I don't want to mess this up! I need to do something before I commit something in line with my job. Sayang ang lisensiya ko... What should I do? Lord God, are you listening po? Yes, You do...You always do. Tama po ba ang gagawin ko? Guide me po. Please Lord God, show me the right path... Nahihirapan na po ako... I'm torn with making the people around me happy and making myself happy at the same time... Sino po ba ang mas mahalaga... sila o ako... Ayoko pong maging selfish but I want to make things right... Ayoko pong maapektuhan ang trabaho ko just because I'm not happy doing it. Help me po...please...

Nasa tapat na pala ako ng hospital nang hindi ko namamalayan... Pagdating ko sa station ko, the usual transitioning task was already starting. I was listening to Jenna's talk of how the patients were during her shift, meds given, stats and others. I just nodded as she looked into me for confirmation. She eyed me curiously but just kept mum about my reactions. Good thing, hidni kami masyadong close nito. After that, I headed over to my station and started my task. When all of a sudden, a relative of one of patients in the ward shouted, "Tulong po!!!". I ran over to their room and saw that the teen patient was shivering so hard. I immediately went to the station to get a basin with hot water and asked the relative to get me a face towel. I sponge bathed the girl and checked her vital signs. U have to go back to the station to check her condtion. God! Why was I not listening to Jenna wholeheartedly earlier. Oh my! The patient is suffering from DHF. Her platelet count should have been checked around this time. I immediately called the doctor on duty sa kanilang sleeping quarters. After asking for the go signal, I called the lab to request for an immediate platelet test. Shit! What's happening to me? My hands were to clammy as I reviewed her chart. The girl's condition was still down... I heard Jenna to strictly monitor her. Lord God, help me relieve this girl from her pain... Please Lord, after this, I think I know what to do...

After all the usual procedures, the patient's condition was already stable. I was able to attend to my other patients' needs accordingly. I heaved a big sigh. Thank you po Lord God, I prayed silently. I think I understand Your message. Guide me still.

My shift ended, I went home to my parents' house and waited for dinner time. I planned to talk to them about my decision. I know that this would be a long discussion. But, I think I would win this time.