Vent

vent 6

theres no point in crying but I do and it's stupid and I'm pathetic and I can't handle so much and I can't help feeling like shit  and it it only gets better when I'm with people I trust and then I think they might not trust me or even like me but I still go with them because they are the only consistency I have left besides reading and staying quiet about everything but I worry about and I worry about so much I worry about the people that I care about even if they don't care about me and I think but even though I know it's ok to be sad sometimes I feel like I have to be happy because if I'm sad then I'll make people worry and I don't want people worrying about me anymore because I can handle this sometime in the future I just have to get over some things and I'm rushing into things but I don't want to do and I'm not ready for some things that I've done and I'm currently in and it doesn't feel right and I can't tell the person that I feel I'm rushed with that I can't do it anymore and it makes me so stressed because they'll probably hate me afterwards because of the way I'm feeling about other people.

I know most people that read this don't care and not many people do you read it this is really what I think about a lot of the time and when I get home I'm fine a lot of the time and I'm happy but there are times I get home and it'll collapse isn't today was one of those days because I'll need to get my mind off of it but it always ends up coming back to me and the story maybe sad that I'm reading and that will make me cry but when I start thinking about the thing I'm trying to ignore I'll cry more.