Let's Try This Again / h.s

Chapter 20

California's POV

Have you ever had something ripped out from under you? And then have that something stomp on it and then laugh while they do it?

Yeah that something was the pain I'm feeling right now, the pain wouldn't stop.

It's been three day's since my grandmother passed away and I haven't spoken, I don't come out of my room. Dee and the girls drop off food which I occasionally eat but I don't eat all, I maybe take a nibble out of the burger or whatever food they give me.

I'm starving yes but I'm hurting more.

I have never felt like this before, so lost and so empty. It's like the one person who knew me the best was just poof gone just like that.

The one person who I shared a bond with, who knew why I am the way I am.

My grandmother was the most amazing person you have ever met, and she's gone. I don't know how to go on without her, I mean she was everything to me and all I wanted was for her to see me get married if that day ever came.

I wanted her to be there when I get walked down the aisle to be there when I give birth to see her grandchildren grow up, to see me make mistake after mistake only for her to tell me it's a lesson.

My grandmother was wiser than anyone I have ever met.

I sleep a lot now, all I do is sleep. It's the best way to avoid my pain and to just hide what I am feeling inside. It's so cold in the area I'm in, just so lost. It's like someone has poured me in a plastic bag with holes and I'm a helpless fish gasping for air.

It's like I've fallen in the ocean that is over 100 feet deep, that I have fallen into an endless pit of sadness.

I can see myself getting weaker each day, my inner body soul is just lost walking around my room. She's trying to find my body but for some reason she can't see me laying down on the bed. She can't find me and she's lost her way of ever coming back down to earth.

And what is it when you lose the most important person to you?

You go back to your past and wish you had more time with her, wish you could of done so many things differently because you knew she only had a few months to live.

Heart attack the silent killer and I'm the murder.

I heard the door slowly open, I don't bother to move. I haven't moved I have laid in the same spot for the past three days I can tell I made a hollow mold on this bed.

I see something in the corner of my eye move from the door to the side of my bed.

It's dark in my room but the moonlight makes it a little bit easier to see, unfortunately I couldn't see who was kneeling in front of me but by the way they stroked my hair and softly touched my cheek I can tell right away it was Harry.

I wasn't mad at Harry, I wasn't upset with him either.

I was just numb from all the pain he put me through, but how can I even say that when I have put him through much harder pain myself.

He leaves my side and walks around I feel something move on the side of me and I can tell that Harry came to lay down with me, he didn't have to say anything but I knew he was sorry and I already forgiven him.

When I'm better we'll talk about this but for right now we don't speak and just lay here in bitter sweet silence.

I roll over and see his piercing green eyes staring at me scanning every inch of my soul.

He touches my cheek and gives me a kiss on the forehead, I grab his hand and wrap it around mine. I put it close to my heart and curl up right next to him and cry.

I cry softly till I can't cry no more, I'm surprised I still have some tears in me.

Through every bullshit that Harry and I have been through he has been there for everything and I have been so selfish blaming him for everything, saying it's all his fault but what about him? I put him through some shit too and I sit here blaming him for everything and yet he still comes back.

Why?

I'm not some great female model, but he isn't some great male model either?

He's Harry, the insane son of a bitch that drives me crazy. He's a pain in the ass, but he's my pain in the ass and I love him to pieces.

I don't know why I can't tell myself to speak but I can't, I chose not to speak I let my tears do the talking.

I just want to scream and say 'why' why God took away the woman who was the biggest inspiration to me!? Who made me realize that I am worth so much more than what anyone has to say!?

Who made me learn that not everything is going to fall into place, but within trial and error and mistake after mistake I will eventually learn and within time things do start to fall into place. That there is always something greater than yesterday ahead for me in the future.

My grandmother was my rock, but laying right here next to me I have my anchor.

And I rather sink with him than float above with the rest of humanity.

........

Hi guys! These two chapters made me cry so badly! Don't worry the book isn't near over! But I just wanted to write you guys a note saying thank you for the 8k reads on Soccer Steps and the reads I'm getting with this book you guys are so great! I love to read all your comments especially @dance_it_out91 this girl is my favorite commentator and this chapter was for her! Thank you for all your comments they make my day every day! And thank you for your votes everyone and your likes, I appreciate it SO much! Please keep reading and tell me what you think! Stay Golden -KP