Let's Try This Again / h.s

Chapter 25

California's POV

"Remember when I was 10 and gram got us all matching pajamas and Beverly got so mad because she wanted pink ones not blue ones" Nash joked I laugh softly.

I stopped smiling and looked at my hands, Nash and I were both in the piano room.

"I still can't believe you go this thing fixed must have cost you a fortune, it looks brand new" he touched the piano keys.

"Yeah well for what I paid the guy I think it should look brand new, and I sort of owed Paul one seeing as I did smash his piano as hard as I could."

"You had some muscle for a kid" he joked I chuckled softly and looked out the window.

I started to rock myself back in fourth in my seat "why do you always do that?" I heard him ask.

"Do what?" I face him.

"Look out the window like you're expecting something to happen."

"I don't expect anything, I'm waiting."

"For what?"

"Gram to come pull up in the drive way."

...

Nash's POV

"Gram to come pull up in the drive way" I don't know why this gave me the chills. Our grandmother died a few weeks ago, I know she is still hurting but she shouldn't in denial this late into the grieving process.

She looks so fragile as if I would pick her up and hug her she would break.

There really isn't anything you can do to someone who is grieving, you can't force them to get better they usually have to get better on their own and I wish I had some medicine to help her but she is too busy thinking about our grandmother.

"How many hours have you had of sleep? You look so drained."

"8" okay that's good she gets 8 hours of sleep regularly "okay, so you slept well last night huh?"

"Oh no, not 8 last night, 8 hours these pass three days" and then my heart sinks to my stomach.

She isn't sleeping she is barely eating she is losing her energy, but just a few days ago she was perfectly fine or at least that's what she made me and Keaton believe.

"I am going to step out the room for a bit I have to use the bathroom so bad" I joke she gives me a wryly smile and nods before continuing to look out the window. I smile at her and walk out the piano room closing the door behind me.

Harry and everyone including Jenn, Andrea, and the O2L boys are all sitting in the living room talking.

They all quiet down when they see me "whoa Nash it looks like you saw a ghost" Keaton laughs.

Followed by a few laughter's but then it dies back down again when they notice I don't join in, my face is still in shock and it's becoming harder to swallow.

"Nash what happened?" Liam asked.

"I-I" I stutter.

"Nash what the hell happened?" Beverly asks.

"Lower your voice, and California-"

"What about California?" Beverly has a concerned look on her face which follows everyone else's reactions.

"She is a wreck, she is in denial about our grandmothers passing, she doesn't eat I mean yeah a few foods a day but she doesn't eat whole foods and she had 8 hours of sleep-"

"Okay, 8 hours of sleep last night that's not bad-"

"No Liam, not 8 hours of sleep last night.... 8 hours of sleep in the past three days" they gasp.

Harry stands up and tries to walk pass me but I stop him before he does "where are you going?"

"To see her."

"No you're not, you are the last person that can see her" I nudge to Liam to help me sit Harry back down.

"W-What why!?"

"If she sees you then everything will become ten times harder-"

"But Nash I gotta see if she's okay-"

"Weren't you the one who said you needed your space?" his shoulders lowered and leaned back in his seat.

"So what do we do?" Harry murmured.

"We pray that's all we can do" I take one last look at the door where 'supposedly my sister' is in but I honestly don't know who that is anymore.

What is going on with you California?

...

California's POV

"Hi California my name is Dr. Thundermine, please take a seat" she gives me a warm smile and lets me sit down on the brown leathered chair.

The room is a light shade of white with one or two inspirational pictures hanging on opposite walls, on one side of the wall there is a book shelf filled with novels starting from Greek Mythology ending with books like Pride and Prejudice I'm not a big fan of love novels but I do occasionally read them from time to time.

Her desk is in between two windows where the blinds are slightly drawn, her desk has a Mac home desk top with frames facing the windows and pencils neatly in a cup.

In the middle of the room there is a circle black carpet with a coffee table on it and her chair sitting across.

Dr. Thundermine is about in her early 40's late 30's maybe, I can't really tell she looks really young. She has on thin framed glasses with a nice white dress shirt and black dress pants to match. Her hair was up in a bun and a note pad sitting on her lap.

"So it says here you went to the hospital" she looks at my files.

I nod "for what?"

"I've been having nightmares, sleepless nights, just barely eating-"

"It says you were diagnosed with... Insomnia, depression, PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks" she looks up at me and tilts her head.

"Why is it that I feel like you're judging me?"

"I'm not dear, do you know what these symptoms are?" she sets the closed files on the table.

"No-I mean I know the gist of it but to answer your question no not really..."

"Insomnia, is having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep through the night sometimes these episodes can last for over 3-4 weeks but it seems to me that these episodes come and go huh?" I say nothing and nod at the obvious statement.

"Depression, the basic definition is a severe despondency and dejection, typically felt over a period of time and accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy" the hell does that mean? "Which means you are feeling down not able to have energy, feeling as if you lost hope, just want to give up, miserable shall I go on?" I shake my head no.

"PTSD, also known as posttraumatic stress disorder is a type of anxiety disorder. It can occur after you have gone through an extreme emotional trauma that involved the threat of injury or death. And I'm guessing you've had a dose of both in your life haven't you" right again, I stare blankly at her but she just smiles and looks down and continues.

"Anxiety is stress that can come from any event or thought that makes you feel frustrated, angry, or nervous. Anxiety is a feeling of fear, unease, and worry, sometimes people can make you feel this way which leads you to have panic attacks" she pauses and looks up at me "panic attacks are a disorder is a type of anxiety disorder in which you have repeated attacks of intense fear that something bad will happen... which can cause you to be at the edge of the seat, tend to get paranoid or even stressed. With that passing you had in your life you feel like it might happen again which causes some of your panic disorders."

"How do you know so much about me if I never even met you?" I sit up on the chair.

"Because I met someone who was like you before."

"Who?"

"Me."