Mr Styles: COMPLETED

Chapter 12

I could barely lift my head up this morning but the thought of going back home gave me a little hope.

My mind was spinning with thoughts of yesterday, I could barely remember anything but i felt so dirty.

My body felt so exposed and the amount of alcohol I consumed made me cringe.

That was it. I was finally going to get over whatever this was and get to church.

It was seven in the morning and I contemplated my life as I washed my body with cold water.

I quickly got out of the shower and threw on a woolly red jumper with my jeans.

As I was leaving my room my heart wanted to knock on Harry's door so bad and sort all of this out with him but my mind told me not to. My mind was flashing warning signs even when I thought of him.

I walked to the reception where I found miss Honeywell eating a plate of fruit

"Hey sweetie, what are you doing up so early" she laughs.

"I'd like to know if there's a church please"

"Ah of course, there's obviously the town church or we have a mini church upstairs"

"I'll go for the mini one" I laugh and she points the way.

"You see those brown stairs, just keep walking up until you reach the religion communal, on that floor you'll see the door that literally says church"

"Thanks" I chirp as I start to walk away.

"Any time!" She shouts back and I shake my head. She was always so jolly.

Walking up the stairs felt like a workout. By the time I got to the religion floor I was out breath and suffering from asthma it seemed.

I slowly opened the door and entered the small church.

It was empty, which is exactly what I wanted, the church was brightly lit and it had a few seats, the glass windows with images of Virgin Mary looked beautiful, I felt so ashamed standing in this church.

I walked to the front of the church where a large cross with Jesus on it stood, I was fearful and scared, how does one repent from something so dirty.

"Dear lord" I start taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and try to say everything from the bottom of my heart.

"I have done something so wrong, I have turned against you, I have disobeyed you. I have lied with a man much older than me, a man who is married. I let him touch me, at first I thought it was just a little pleasure, I didn't think it would do harm if anyone knew, but lord, I've fallen in love with him. And it hurts so much because it's so wrong, yes I know he's not the perfect man but in my eyes he was my man. I don't want to live a life of sin so I've come here to repent. Please wash my sins" I cry heavily.

"Father forgive me for I have sinned" my tears were constant and I couldn't stop.

"I think you mean daddy" I hear a voice echo in the small room.

I quickly turn around to see Harry leaning against the door, he had a half smile and he looked delicious in his black open chest shirt and black jeans.

No I'm meant to hate him.

I couldn't help the worry I had around him, I felt like I had to be ready to run, my body was already shaking.

"Angel" he says with his deep raspy morning voice.

"Don't angel me" I look away from him and my eyes fixate on to the object in front of me.

"Please, we have things to talk about"

"I don't ever want to talk to you again"

"I'm sorry ok, is that what you want to hear" he huffs.

"We're over" I sob, it hurt my heart saying the words but being in the church gave me some sort of strength.

"You and I both now that we'll never be over baby"

"Oh lord please, cleanse my soul and body"

"Ella" he raises his voice slightly.

"Take this evil man away from me"

"Ella" his breath fans over my neck, I didn't realise how dangerously close he was.

"Oh Harry! Daddy! Mr Styles whatever! I can't do this anymore, I can't pretend I'm ok with you piling everything on top of me, you expect me to be able to handle your emotional wreck of a life as well as taking all the abuse with it and I can't do it anymore, it's taking every last bit of my energy. I've let you shout at me, I've let you humiliate me in class, I've let you cut my leg open, I've let you call me those filthy words and I've let you hit me, and somehow amongst all of that.. I've let myself l-love you. For fucks sake I love you!" I was now throwing out deep sobs, my body moving unevenly as the sobs burst out.

Harry's mouth was agape as he pulled me into his chest. His thumb wiped over my face and he held me tight, almost like he had just found me.

"I thought I was dreaming, I knew it wasn't a dream" he holds me even tighter and I look up at his face.

"What are you talking about" I frown, I had just confessed my love for him and he's talking about a dream.

"I love you Ella. I love you so very fucking much" he looks straight into my eyes almost like he's piercing into my soul.

We both sit there in silence absorbing the mood in the atmosphere, I was sat on a church floor in Harry's chest whilst praying for forgiveness.

Harry and I both stared at the cross not daring to speak another word but more enjoying the silence as the lord watches us beneath him.