I can see you.

I Can See You (04)

Men are more moral then they think and far more immoral then they can imagine. –Sigmund freud.

I could see her clearly now, she was merely meters away from me. I tried clearing my throat, for words to come out. But I could not find any. We had both proceeded to walk towards each other, it turned out she most definitely was not another fourteen or fifteen or so year old that had come out to play at night in the cold, nope, she was different. Everything about her yelled: Do Not Approach Me! But I am a rebel; I can do what I like. I needed to prove I was a man and I could do whatever I liked.

However, she had once again, frozen. I still took small baby steps towards her but much smaller then was needed for me to reach her before daylight arrived. She made me afraid, any other day, I would have ran. But today? Nope. There was so much adrenaline inside of me and I needed it to go. Just like you need oxygen to take away all the acid inside of your body after a long run, I needed to get rid of this adrenaline. If not? Well, I would seriously do something so much more stupid then anything possible today.

I had no idea what it was, but she seemed to be making my heart beat so much faster than usual, I felt hot. I was afraid. I had no idea to why. No, problem, I was not going to give up so easily. I may be shy and embarrassing, but one this I liked about myself, was the fact that I never gave up without a fight. Well, in any other situation, except for if it was to do with Esme. I could not ever hurt her, no matter what she did to me.

I stood still. And then realised how much tension was actually in this situation. I did not know what to do. I did not know what to say either. I froze- just like her. Not even taking baby steps. I could see her big black irises staring at me. I was approximately four/ five meters away from her now but I could still see her clearly enough. I could see how she was breathing in and out repeatedly, really fast.

The light, cold wind swept my long hair back across my left eye- covering half my view. I did not think I had the strength to unleash one of my arms up for the task of uncovering strands of loose hair from my eye. I was tired. I could feel my eyes becoming heavier.

However the girl was fine. She had her big black eyes still staring towards me. I could see her heavily breathing, fast, as if it was causing her pain. She looked so adorably cute; it seemed terrifying to think what could be her reason for being out here all alone. Where were her parents?

My head was tired, I wanted to run away from this situation and just go home. Go home, to where I belonged right now. I was so eager to turn all the way around and do just that, just sneak back home, take a nice hot shower and sleep. It is what I needed so bad right now. I understood though, it was something I had to put off for a little while. I was a nice person. I always craved the satisfaction of helping someone in need.

Maybe she is an orphan? Maybe, just maybe, this is her life? Like, Oxana? Raised by wolves and everything. Maybe she was lethal and had adopted a different lifestyle to me? That would explain a lot, if it was true, I would understand why she was out here, all alone and in the dark and not running away from me. Maybe that was why she did not run, because she felt no need to. She was not afraid.

Or maybe I was just doing what I always do, maybe I am just over thinking everything?

Either way I was feeling something towards this little girl  and it definitely had a hint of fear related. 

A part of me imagined her flying up in flames and disappearing. Whilst another part of me was surrounding the idea of her being something of my imagination- mind tricks. Seemed realistic enough. I was lacking sleep. 

But, there it was again. That same part of me, imagining her covered in blood, and having a some what... evilness involved. 

...

I had had enough. What? So is that all? He’s just going to...stand there..? As if. He is not allowed. He is not allowed to break down everything I have just about built for myself and then...then just...stand there. As if.

I could hurt him so bad! It was scary to even think of the stuff I could do to him, he was so naive. I wanted to show him what a bad mistake it would be for him if he took another step forward. But I could not. I promised myself I would not go down this route again.

I had to still show him something. I do not care who he thinks he is, I am more powerful so I will be the one in control. Not him.

Anger boiled my insides and I smiled amazingly. I have a plan.

...