I can see you.

I Can See You (02)

Most people do not really want freedom, becomes freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility. –Sigmund Freud

She could see me. I knew she could. Even with my eyes shut I could have sensed that I was visible to her. I could see her, so in my opinion it was obvious. She was just standing there. I could understand it, if I was her, I would run? Run back to your mommy little girl! I thought. How could she just stand there? I mean, it is a freezing cold day; it is the middle of January, so how on earth can she possibly just stand there watching me? She should be at home, in a bed, all tucked up and fast asleep. It should be me playing games in the play area of Bigeath Park at night. That is what I do, that is my life.

I whistled the theme tune to my favourite show and called to her. “Oi. Girly?” A cold wind choose this precise moment to blow across of us, it made me blink furiously, a hundred times in less than a minute. The wind whistled the rest of the tune for me, and then it stopped. It was suddenly calm again and I felt smug. What was that? I noticed the girl had not reacted at all. Even after I had been fretting so much, and continued to do so, I wiped my face with the back of my hand, she, well she had done nothing. She continued to watch me like a hawk. If I had arrived at the park now, I would have imagined her to be a statue. I probably should  have come out a little later. But then I thought even that was a bad idea, I would have walked aimlessly through the park (as per usual) then came straight to the play area, collided straight  into her, which would have just been embarrassing for the both us and would have made me scream in terror. Maybe her even?

Why was not she responding? Why had she just suddenly frozen? Maybe it was because she had noticed me? I thought that would have been a suitable reason, until I remembered I would have been afraid if I was her and that was the case. I probably would have screamed like a girl and woke up the entire world. How unusual. Was not she afraid? Should she be afraid? Maybe I should be afraid?

But why? I did not think I wanted to know. That was for sure.

Well actually it is not every day you see a little girl (she looked no older than fifteen) alone in the park way past mid-night...maybe she was dangerous? Maybe this was her way of notifying me to run? The thoughts in my head seemed realistic enough; I mean she showed no sign of being afraid. However she made me afraid. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck standing up, tall. My heart started pounding faster, I could feel it, I could hear it. Loud and clear.

I could not understand why, but I was afraid. It was embarrassing to admit this to myself but I could not lie to myself, it was true, I was afraid.

I got up. I was older, I was the man. I had the most power.

...

 What? He was moving towards me? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mentally yelled. I felt my whole body feel heavier like heavy weights being thrown down on me, continuously. I cleared my throat, and jumped down the jungle gym, slowly approaching him. He did not know what he was getting himself in to. I could not blame him, but oh how I wanted him to just stop and run. Why do things like this always have to happen to me!

Who was this chap anyways? Who wonders around at night, all alone, in the park? Then an idea came to me, maybe he was drunk! Maybe he had drunk so much then was chucked out of the pub, or home, or whichever place he was originally at, and then he just happened to past by the park, and so came? Maybe. If that was the case, then maybe he could not really see me at all. Maybe the reason he had stopped and was acting the way he was was due to the after math of drinking litres of crap. Maybe? I hoped so much this was the case.

I begged for this to be the reason behind why he was here. It would allow me a chance to kick him but. Indeed, I was not afraid. I was afraid I would make him afraid.

...