I can see you.

I Can See You (05)

I have found little that is "good" about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all. That is something that you cannot say aloud, or perhaps even think. –Sigmund Freud.

My heart was beating so fast. I could feel it against my chest. No, I could hear it! I was scared, that is for sure.

She was merely a few metres away from me. I watched her, and she stared back. A minute passed, nothing changed. An hour passed, still nothing changed. Nothing happened. It felt like it was just me, alone. Though she was in front of me and I could see her, I felt terribly alone. As if all the people sleeping in the homes around the park had disappeared. As if the buildings, roads and streets had disappeared. As if the swings, sandpits and everything else contained here had all disappeared. And most importantly it felt like I had disappeared.

I felt ashamed. What was happening to me? I am such a coward. I was trembling, shaking, sweating all at once. Why? Because of a little girl. What the hell? Who does that? But, I could not stop it. It felt as if the girl was the centre of my world and everything revolved around her.

My mind was blank; all I could think of was escape. A year passed... Or so it seemed.

I was still holding the twigs from earlier, I felt them now as I had subconsciously been digging them into the skin of my left palm. I could feel the pain and the sweat and I was sure there would be blisters. I dropped them and took a sharp breath in. I straightened by form and gently stretched my muscles, without taking my eyes away from the little girl.

I wanted to carry out my escape plan, but without her realising.

I slowly pulled out my phone from my jacket pocket and very cautiously attempted to dial numbers, any. But that is when I froze. That is when the peak of my fear rose for the worst.

She had moved.

She had actually taken a step towards me. How, I did not know. I had not looked away from here, even for a second!

But then it happened again. She took two steps toward me. And then another.

By now we were less than a metre apart.

I could see every feature of hers, defined. I swear I could even see the freckles on her cheeks, and my reflection in her irises.

By this point my heart was thumping and it sounded like drums.

She blinked and took another step towards me. But then she tripped. I heard her gasp a little. Her arms were streched in front of her, inches away from my shoes, inches away from me.

The loud banging sound created by her, falling face- flat against the hard concrete, which made up the area around the parks gymnasium, vibrated in my ears, echoing. Ouch, that really must have hurt.

I was free. About time. Oh, what a day. I mean night. Aaah, at least I could go now haha I thought to myself. I could do anything! I could go see Emilie. Then go over to Johns and ask if he needed a helping hand. Then later I could go watch a movie, alone. I could do anything I ever wanted because I was free.

Free of what, I do not know. But free I was. I did not have to be involved with this girl! Or the police. Or The Childrens Welfare Institute. Or her parents! Or anything else she could bring!  

I wanted to walk away now...because I could!!

However I was still frozen to my spot. The air had become chillier and I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck rising. I shivered horrendously and took a huge breath in.

She was still laying helplessly in front of me, no sign of getting up. She seemed to be getting herself back together as if reincarnating. I could not see her face, but even now, she still looked cute and innocent.

And that is when it happened. I realised I genuinely felt sympathy towards her. I honestly did! Poor child. So helplessly alone and on the ground, most likely injured bad.

So, without so much as a thought, I went around to helping her. Automatically rushing to her side. I do not know why I was doing this, I mean, I was afraid she was something dangerous...but so? And then I realised. Its because I had nothing to lose. I mean, it is not as if I have a lovely home to go to that she would be taking me away from.  Or a mother.  A father. Or a friend. It is not as if she would be taking me away from a job. It is not even as if she would be taking me away from John or Emile. And that is because I have no 'best friend' John or Emilie.

My track of thoughts literally disappeared as I realised I was hovering over the little girl. I took a sharp breath in and reached to turn her so as she be facing me. 

But then my arm froze. I could feel the coolness of her, inches away from being near her. Strange really, but oh well, I dropped the thought. I stood up again and began unbuttoning my coat to give her.

As I did so however, I came to recognition of how drastic this situation I have been placed in is infact. Meh, I am a tough lad. I turned back to place the coat over her. I was bent over her and about to place it over her when I stopped.

She began moving. Well not moving, but sort of shuffling. With her face still on the hard ground, she 'hmm'ed loudly. Once again, I froze in my place, directly over her. She turned over. Very slowly indeed, but nonetheless, she turned over. She came to face me. She smiled. A very wide smile. Showing the front rows of her teeth. Evil written all over her face.

There was a fire inside of me.  

I was burning.

'Hi.' she said. Her voice was like a childs but very mature. She sounded sad but strong. 'Hi Sammy.' she whispered. Her sweet voice sent fear through me, igniting the fire inside of me faster.

...

I gave up