Love Letters: 7th through 9th Grade

8th Grade

so, at the beginning of 8th grade year i basically gave up on jack and dated my ex (which only lasted a month) which basically broke jacks heart and destroyed 2 really good friendships and it broke me. i was so selfish that day and i don't even know why i did it. fuck i was so miserable.

5 months. 5 months i went without speaking to jack, madeline and sophi. 5 months and i died over and over again every fucking day.

madeline and sophi made up with me in the next few days, but i didn't talk to jack.

finally, on new year's eve of 2016, i texted him. he was on a family vacation and one of my other friends rylan went along with them. she texted me and gave me updates on how he was doing and i was so fucking miserable without him.

so i typed his number in because i knew it by heart, and i texted him. "happy new year's eve, just wanted to text you since you'll probably leave me in 2016 but that's ok"

as soon as i texted him he started typing. my hear literally stopped beating as i saw the 3 little dots pop up. "happy new year's eve to you too, and no i won't"

so we carried on the conversation of catching up and small talk for the next few days. then i confessed all my feelings. i apologized so many times and he forgave me every time.

during those miserable 5 months, i was horrible. i was so disgusted in myself for my decision. i threatened to end my life but my dad saved me. he told me to just give him time to heel and things would get better. he told me that if i gave up then, there was nothing that could've helped save our relationship.

today is 2.25.17, and i'm proud to say that me and jack don't have anymore problems. i love him, and even if he doesn't love me back, i wouldn't care. i've done him wrong so many times i probably deserve the pain.

....
just thought i would update because i haven't in forever and i had to vent because i don't wanna bother anyone with my stupidity:)