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Remorse

You were sorry for bothering. You knew it was not a good time - it was two in the morning. Who with a sane mind would be waking up at this hour just to hear you?

For a record, you were knocking relentlessly at your neighbour's door for 10 minutes just now. You are crazy, do you know that?

You marched to the usual spot; an old one seated sofa placed nearby the windows. You slouched in and brought your gaze to look outside the windows. The curtains were undulating alternately like the calm waves crashing onto the sloping shore as the cold cockcrow breeze hurled into through the opened windows. The moon's beams fell onto your face, highlighting your features in silver. Your palcidity countenance at the moment was a presage of detonative  emotional catastrophe. All the silence and reticency were deafening.

Your accepted a can of cold beer while gesturing a thank you look. People said, drinks help to free yourself from the burden that clutching in your brain and heart - make you less inhibited and less restrained. Do you know, binge drinking without any side food would speed up the number of wrinkles on your face? Plus, you might have thiamine deficiency as well as predisposing to Korsakoff's syndrome. Not that you care, right? You took a sip of the cold beer and your eyes still wandering to a far far distance of no where to be seen. You would break open any minute from now. It was always after the third sips. You allowed a heavy sigh as if trying to regurgitate whatever feelings that had been pending inside your chest.

"He is here."

Without any sound, streams of tear made their journey through the curve of your cheeks and disappered once their courses reaching the edge of your mandible line. You brought your lower arm to make an arrest of the continuously flowing warm tears but they won't just stop. You should compose yourself. You brought your body to lean forward and your head to look down on the tiles. One of your hand was clutching the beer in a firm grasp as if you were trying to hold on to something. Your breathes began to ventilate irregularly and your mouth made a gape as you gasping for air. You don't have asthma, right? You shooked your head lightly. The pain that you felt right now might be extremely excruciating for you chest to bear. You gripped your shirt over the sternum and you were still panting. Took another sip, please.

He was your first love and perhaps the one and only - if you were ever right about how did love feel. Love is a piece of luck medallion. Love is a slice of strawberry cake. Love is a plate of meatballs spaghetti. Love is a plate of khanom^. You cupped your face while mumbling those words, feebly. First love is difficult to forget, let alone the one and only. Another can was unpegged. This time, you just guzzled down the whole can in less than five. You know you are charged for every drink? They are not free, you know. You chuckled weakly. You squeezed the empty can in your clutch and demanded the third can with your free palm. Do it on every can of beers so it easy to recycle them.

🎼
Thaam jai dtua eng meua jai dtong wun wai
Meua rak pha rao hai sapsorn
Thaam jai dtua eng gap rak thii wok won
Khon haa hetuphon jai arom
Haak khwaam rak tham hai suk som
Khor yaak khwaai khwa ma cheun chom
Dtae khwaam rak tham hai ook dtrom
Dtong chom nam dtaa gern bpai
Yaak ja thaam rak bpen jen dai garn lao
Rak bpen jen dai no
Thaam khrai mai mii khrai dtob
Khae yaak ja ruu waa rak bpen jen dai

Ask yourself when your heart in chaos
When love made you baffled
Ask yourself with love that is meandering
To find reasons for the feeling
If love brought you happiness
Embrace it and treasure it
But if love caused you to fall down
Have to sink in continuous tears
I want to ask how does love feel
How does love feel
I asked anyone but none could answer
I only want to know how does love feel
🎼