The Perfect Sin (Camren)

Ch 13- Be Mad, Coño!

"Y'know that whole tough girl attitude is only effective when your eyes aren't so sad," Dr. Hernandez says as I sit with my arms crossed on the familiar couch that lives in her office. 

"Why don't you tell me what's going on?" she insists 

If she only knew, this wasn't me trying to be tough. Quite the opposite, this was me giving up.

Camila hasn't spoken to me in two weeks apart from a brief text conversation in which she agreed to meet with me at the treehouse. I went as soon as possible and I waited for an hour, then two and before I knew it I had fallen asleep on the uncomfortable wooden floor and 6 hours later there was still no sign of her. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to cry when she stood me up, but I didn't allow myself to. 

Two weeks may not seem like a big deal to most people but considering we've been speaking daily for a few months now her absence is almost unbearable.

Some people say it's better to rip off the band-aid but in this instance, I'm going to have to disagree. I wish she would have removed it slowly and gradually walked away from me instead of just disappearing. There's no doubt in my mind that it would have been even more painful that way but I would have at least gotten to keep her in my life for a little longer.

"Lauren," Dr. Hernandez says "I can't help you if you don't -"

"I'm an idiot," I said cutting her off "I shouldn't have allowed that night to happen" I mumbled. 

At this point, I'm sure Dr. Hernandez was feeling proud of herself for finally breaking through to me when in reality I was simply thinking aloud. My mind was beginning to get way too crowded and some of the thoughts needed to make their way out. 

Regardless, every word that falls from my lips only makes her pen scribble faster and faster

"I shouldn't have lost my cool with my dad" I continue "Shouldn't have danced with her in the first place"

I shake my head as my thoughts escape into the atmosphere but truthfully, I don't regret a thing.

I know what I should have done but now that I've experienced her lips, felt her hands tug on my hair and been responsible for leaving her breathless I can't imagine returning to a world where that didn't happen.

"Okay," Dr. Hernandez says "So let's start from the beginning" she continues with a small triumphant smile "Why did you-"

"Have you ever been heartbroken?" I ask cutting her off. This is not my way giving into therapy, but simply wanting to know that someone else has felt this. I can't be the only person who's chest aches from missing someone, right? 

She takes her small success in stride and follows along "I have" she says tensing up, her smile now gone. 

"What happened?" I shrug

The hesitation was evident in her features but considering this is the most I've spoken in any of these sessions she caved

"I found the love of my life," she said proudly

I nodded slowly wondering why falling in love would have broken her heart

"You met Pastor Hernandez?" I asked very obviously confused.

She shook her head "No," she said softly "Jesus Christ"

Immediately, I rolled my eyes and sank deeper into the couch with my arms crossed against my chest

"Lauren," she continued "Why do you think your parents have been so persistent about you coming to see me?" She asked

I decided to keep my comments to myself considering that she made me instantly regret speaking to her about anything.