The Perfect Sin (Camren)

Ch 26- Misplaced

Lauren POV 

George Benard Shaw once wrote;

"There are two great tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it" 

I remember this quote from my High School English class, it's always been one that stood out to me for no other reason than the fact that I didn't understand it. I consider myself a rather intelligent person so it stuck with me because I needed to figure it out. 

Ironically, I didn't have to put much thought into it at all. 

Because when Camila and I were standing on that staircase, and she was repeating my own words back to me I knew in that moment that she meant it when she said she loved me. 

And in the middle of her speech, a surge of happiness and relief went through my body and in a feeling that can only be described as euphoria. 

But just as quickly, I remembered her standing in the parking lot with her arms wrapped around her torso telling me she no longer wanted to be with me and I thought that if she loved me then, and was still able to break my heart, what would stop her from doing it again? 

I finally had my hearts desire, and I'm almost certain it's going to kill me. 

I've been where she is, I've experienced the religious brainwashing and at one point I loved Natalie with all my heart, but I know, that the love does not outweigh the fear and there is no guarantee that she won't hurt me again. 

After all, it's not like she's put in any effort to change, she probably just lonely. 

"Are you okay?" Natalie asked, I look down at my girlfriend to see that she wasn't asleep like I thought she was. 

"Hey," I said softly, looking around her small loft "I'm fine" I assured her, making sure I included a smile at the end of the statement 

"You seem..." she began, but paused to search for the right words "Far" is what she ended up settling for.

I nodded, she was right. After church, I came straight here though I wasn't sure when I made the decision to come over. It was like my subconscious drove me here. I got in my car and in what felt like 30 seconds later, I'm here, lying in bed naked with my girlfriend. 

Arriving was a blur, and I am only aware of what happened due to the evidence around me. The lack of clothes, the feeling of exhaustion, and the adoring way in which she is looking at me, kind of like I am the only woman in the world. 

Kind of how I looked at Camila after a simple kiss

"I'm right here," I said, in a tone that almost felt rehearsed and she could tell. I tried to make it genuine by softly placing my hand on her cheek and pressing my lips against her forehead. I then wondered for how long she would settle for only the scraps of affection I am able to conjure up for her. 

Because she has to see the difference, I really did love her at one point, she has to be able to tell the difference between then and now. 

Without a word, she nodded and rested her head back on my chest, this time really drifting off to sleep, and allowing my mind to return to Camila. 

I'm not sure when it happened but in what felt like 5 seconds later, I was waking up from a deep sleep and noticed it was dark out. I no longer had the weight of another body on mine and when I was finally able to focus my eyes I saw Natalie. 

She was sitting in her desk chair and her hair was wet. I assumed she just got out of the shower, but the water that was resting in the brim of her eyes was what stood out most.