Grabbing Hold (The Motorcycle Kid #1)

Author's Note: Mental Health

Hey, guys. So first off, I know I haven't updated in a few weeks, and you probably think I went MIA as soon as I hit 10,000 reads, but that's actually not the case. I've been editing for a friend, participating in Model United Nations and trying to juggle school and my extracurriculars, so things have been pretty busy.

On that note, though, I think it's about time I came clean about something that's been literally sending me haywire: my anxiety.

I happen to fit under the category of 'gifted children' under the special needs umbrella. What that means is that I possess a superior level of intellect to most people, but it results in me having severe social defiencies; i.e. on a regular day, it's difficult for me to interact with others because I don't interact well socially. I have difficulty asking for the things I want, and when I say stuff, it hardly ever comes out right. That, coupled with anxiety is a recipe for disaster.

You guys will probably remember that in an author's not a couple chapters ago, I mentioned having experienced an anxiety attack for real real for the first time and as you might've been able to tell, I was pretty shaken up.

Well, that crap happened again. Except this time, I was in the middle of Lit class rehearsing my MUN speech when I freaked out and burst into tears for no apparent reason. I was so miserable and sad and upset for some reason, and I don't know what was wrong with me at that point in time. I just cried silently and tried to regulate my breathing before I started to hyperventilate.

Point is, it happened again. I told my mum about it, and she tried to calm me down, but...okay, some context.

Where I come from, mental illness or any kind of mental disorder or issue is basically passed off as a 'white people' thing. Chill out, peeps, no racism here. That's basicalky because black people, especially in the Caribbean, are mostly known for our resilience (I mean, hit me up when your race can survive 300+ years of slavery and still come out fighting) and having very strong and determined wills. So when something's wrong up there, like for me, anxiety, people kind of tell you to relax and get over it.

And to be honest, sometimes they're right. But other times, it feels like no one gets it, and it makes you feel like some sort of outcast. So you mask whatever it is you're feeling in the hopes that it'll go away, but it won't. Anxiety doesn't go away, it has to be managed.

And pretty much up until late last week, I'd say my management was pretty good. But somehow, things span out of control again, and it really messed me up. To the point when I couldn't write, I couldn't focus, anything.

In any case, I just felt like it was time for me to tell you guys the truth about my issue. I'm still going to do my best to write for you guys, but I have to take care of myself, too, and I hope you guys can understand that.

And for you guys like me? We're gonna beat this. We're gonna beat anxiety. You're not alone.

- Mack.