sinking ships

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I rememberThe first time i seen youWhen your eyes were still aliveAnd glimmeringLike light piercing through the ocean wavesHappy and contentI remember

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I remember
The first time i seen you
When your eyes were still alive
And glimmering
Like light piercing through the ocean waves
Happy and content
I remember

When your hair was still curly
And that rusty red-brown-bronze color
That made knots form in my stomach
Each and every time you ran your hand through the strands
You hated it
Every rusty
Red
Brown
Bronze
Strand
You hated

And I loved it
And I loved you

I still love you
No matter how much you changed
No matter how you have no semblance of love for me
No matter

You weren't skinny
You were covered in pimples
And black heads
And scars
Not the happy kind
And stretch marks
And curves
All these signs
All these marks
Show that you lived
That you're alive
You hated them too

You dyed your hair blonde
Empty
Artificial blonde
That looked nothing like gold
Not even the fake gold painted on fake wedding rings
But you thought it did

Your eyes sunk into the abyss
They're now dark
Dead
Cold
They're an imposter with the same colors
That I fell in love with

Your scars didn't heal
In fact
you added more
They covered the stretch marks
And the freckles
And the beauty spots
They covered the beautiful constellations
Knitted across your body
Telling their wise tales
With darkness

You thought you'd be happier
Changing who you are
Not eating
Punishing your body
Darling, I can see your bones
I can see your body screaming
I can see you screaming
But, Baby, how can you be happy
When you stare into the mirror
And never be satisfied
By pushing everyone away
Everyone that loves you
How can you be happy
When you can't recognize who you became?
Because I remember

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