Tour the way: Book 2

Two Weeks Notice

Later that day, we were sitting on my couch. We didn't say anything to each other. I think we were still soaking in the fact that we're finally together and just taking in each other's presence. It wasn't one of those awkward silences, but rather a silence that didn't need to be filled with words. I felt like it had been ages since we were like this. I had leaned backwards into him as his arms had been wrapped around my torso. I felt Avi's hand wander and begin playing with my hair. I smiled at his touch.

"Did you cut your hair?" he asked trying to make small talk.

"I just trimmed it" I answered him. He continued to play with my hair.

"What are you thinking?" he quietly asked trying to cut to the chase.

"I'm not." I replied.

"I find that hard to believe." he said.

"You would be surprised at how often I don't think." I told him. He chuckled at my words. I positioned myself so that I could rest my hand on his chest. I sat in relaxation and listened to the soothing sound of his heartbeat as it almost cleared the storm that was my mind. It grew quiet again, but only for a second. I quickly sat up and smirked at him. "I just had an idea." I said.

"Should I be worried? " He asked me.

"Of course not." I said.

"So that means 'yes'." He teased. I playfully punched him in the arm. I jumped from my previous position and he followed me.

"Don't you trust me?" I asked.

"I'm not so sure with that look you have in your eye." he said jokingly. I pretended to be shocked and placed my hand on my chest. He laughed at my expression.

"Avi,  come on" I said jokingly dragging him by his wrist.

"I'm right behind you" he said laughing. "you're like a 12 year old girl sometimes." he added.  I walked us up a stair case we came across in the hallway of the apartment building. I  pushed the door in front of us open we saw the rooftop where we had our first official date. Whenever I closed my eyes, I could still see the warm glow of the candles he had put out. "Wow." he simply said. "Its been awhile." he continued taking my hand in his. He linked my fingers with his and a smile crept across his face.

"How long has it been?" I asked as I trailed my finger on a nearby air conditioning unit.

"Too long." he answered. "I still remember how beautiful you were that night." I smiled at his words and tried to hide behind my hair. Avi stepped even closer to me.

"I remember I was so nervous that night." I confessed with a smile.

"You? Nervous?" he asked me in astonishment.

"Of course I was. I had a date with this amazing guy and I just wanted him to like me." I confessed. "I wanted everything to go perfectly." I told him. "I remember I felt like a 13 year old girl whose crush passed her a note in class." I said. I bit my lower lip and couldn't believe that I was telling him all of this. "Besides, what if things got..." I paused my words and looked away from him.

"What if they got..." Avi repeated with a cheeky grin. I both hated and loved when he made that face.

"Don't make me say it." I said looking down at my shoes.

"Say what?" he asked acting like he didn't know.

"We both know what I mean." I told him biting my lip and fighting every impulse to blush. Avi chuckled. He knew I was flustered and he was relishing it. I felt Avi pull me closer so that I was facing him and that he could put his hand on my lower back. "What are you doing?" I asked laughingly.

"Shh. Just follow my lead." he said softly in my ear. I put my hand on his shoulder and the two of us slowly swayed to empty air.

"Wait." I told him excitedly. I pulled my phone out my pocket and played my favorite Louis Armstrong song. The beautiful melody of La vie en Rose filled the air.

"I wanted to be a gentleman that night, but I could have taken you right there and then if you asked." he said in a husky voice that sent waves of electricity down my spine and into my toes.

"I seem to recall that not all the memories were so happy up here." I said trying to break away from his games.

"Oh. Right." he said. I chuckled. I could tell from the look on his face that we both thought of the same day when he pushed me to be my best by hurting me in the worst way.

"I thought I was helping." he said. "Its a good thing one of us was being rational enough to fly across the country on a whim to get the other wake them up." he said jokingly.

"In a way, I'm actually pretty grateful for all the moments we've had up here. Good or bad." I confessed. It made us what we are today." I told him. I stopped dancing for a moment and dropped my hands to my sides. I walked over to the ledge of the roof and looked out at the city and how the sun hit the buildings at just the right time of day to give them a beautiful orange glow. I felt the cool breeze against my face and I just thought back to that first night we were up here together. It was the place where he broke my heart and I wasn't sure if I would ever come back to myself. I felt Avi's arms snake their way around me.

"Erica, what's wrong?" he asked me. I turned to face him. I looked into those deep green eyes that were saturated in pools of fire that were similar to the ones I saw the night of the beginning of our relationship.

"I already told you earlier." I told him. "I'm okay."

"Erica." he began.

"Everything is perfectly fine." I tried to convince him that there wasn't an internal weight on my mind.

"I remember, when I was in Europe, this beautiful girl let me crawl on top of her like an idiot and reassured me that I could tell her anything." he said with a smile. I grinned like a fourteen year old girl at her first concert.

"Was it me?" I asked as if I didn't know the answer. Avi rolled his eyes jokingly.

"Talk to me." he pleaded.

"It's nothing dear. I'm just grateful" I said. I had lied to him that day. I was doing a lot of that lately. The truth is that there was something bothering me. In the back of my mind, I tricked myself into thinking that bringing him back to this spot would make me feel better about the secrets I was keeping him from. I knew I had to tell him eventually. I thought I could go on in our relationship and take what I had been doing without him to my grave, but looking at him and seeing him in front of me made everything change. "It's just been a strain lately to not be able to see or touch you" I said as I softly placed my hand on the side of his face. Avi put his hand on top of mine and guided it down far enough for him to kiss the palm of my hand. Which made the lump in my stomach even heavier.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone." he told me.

"He's apologizing to me?" I thought to myself. How selfish could I have been in that moment?

Later that night, I was sitting in bed thinking about what I had said to my boyfriend. I guess in this case, its what I didn't say. I completely chickened out and lied about it. I felt awful about keeping this from him. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard at Avi shuffle in his sleep and roll over. I looked him as his chest would rise and fall with every breath. He deserved someone who would be honest with him. I wanted him to be happy even if it meant me getting my feelings hurt in the process. I may have kept up my guard that day, but I was almost certain that my eyes were giving me away.