Hamilsquad (a One-Shot book)

Wounds (Alexander Hamilton x Reader)

|Song: Youth by Daughter|
WARNING: cursing, maybe feels?
Word Count: 939

'Shadows settle on the place, that you left. Our minds are troubled by the emptiness.'

   You sat alone in your home, papers strewn about before you. You tapped your fingers on the hard wood of Alexander's old desk absentmindedly as you looked around the room. It was cold, very dark, and especially lonely. Sometimes you wished you could hear the sound of his melodic chaos one last time.

'Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time. From the perfect start to the finish line.'

   You hadn't had a care in the world when you and Alexander had first met. Nothing else had mattered, and everything had gone right for you two- fall in love, get married, start a family. At least, that was the plan.

'And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones. 'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.'

   You exhaled quietly as you stood up, trying to dismiss your troubling thoughts. A pang of regret and sorrow pierced your heart, and you bent over, leaning on the desk for support. You clawed at your chest with one hand, trying to make the pain of heartache go away.

'Setting fire to our insides for fun
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong, the lovers that went wrong.'

   You shook it off and stood upright, ignoring the growing pain that felt like flames in your chest. You slowly made your away across the room and gazed at the dull old walls. The walls were filled with papers and random drawings- from your only child, C/N. Then your eyes landed on something that had changed your whole life. The Reynolds Pamphlet.

'We are the reckless, we are the wild youth. Chasing visions of our futures.'

   You had a flashback to when you and Alex had run down the street to the square, pretending as if you two were redcoats retreating from battle against the Americans. He had only been in America for about a year then, and you had only known him because of John Laurens, a good friend of yours.

'One day we'll reveal the truth that one will die before he gets there.'

   Then the news about John's death had come, and your whole entire world had crumbled. Alexander had been the only one who had helped you out of the dark abyss that is despair and sorrow.

'And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones. 'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone.'

   You had felt nothing when Alexander left. You were too numb from grief. After all the times he had said "I love you", this is how it ended- an affair, not a goodbye on your or his deathbed. You had wanted so badly to know why you weren't good enough. You had wanted to watch your blood drip onto the floor- that's how upset you were.

'We're setting fire to our insides for fun. Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home, it was a flood that wrecked this home.'

You stumbled over your own feet and slumped down to the floor, breathing heavily. Looking up at the wall across the room, there were paintings and portraits along the wall behind Alexander's desk. You felt yourself tear up for what seemed like the millionth time that week, but you wiped them away. Last time you started crying, it had taken two hours to calm down, and you had cried a river of tears.

'And you caused it... and you caused it...and you caused it.'

You couldn't help but feel angry. That idiotic bastard had just abandoned you and run off with some Maria girl, and then to some girl named Eliza. It was his fault your life was ruined.

'Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette, a lifeless face that you'll soon forget.'

You had nothing left. No love, no emotions, no objects, no family, no nothing. People had long since forgotten about you since you haven't left your house in months now except for groceries.

'My eyes are damp from the words you left. Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest. Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.'

   You felt hot liquid roll down your cheeks, and it was not when you put your hand to your face that you realized you were crying. Crying over Alexander. Crying over yourself. Crying over a romance that was lost so many years ago. "Y/N, I...I don't love you anymore." Alexander had said. "I'm over us. Goodbye." Those were the bastard's last words to you.

'And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one, 'cause most of us are bitter over someone.'

   He probably didn't regret what he did, let alone remember you. He loved Elizabeth Schuyler now. But you? You still loved Alexander. Despite all he had done to you, you couldn't help but love that man. His analytic gaze, his loud, strong voice, his undeniable presence, those were all what made Alexander so admirable.

'Setting fire to our insides for fun,
To distract our hearts from ever missing them.'

   You let out a ragged breath as your heart flared up even more, making you reminisce in your past of heartbreak. You missed him- and John, Lafayette, Hercules, hell, even Aaron.

'But I'm forever missing him.'

   As you sat there in the growing darkness, you finally accepted the fact that you missed Alexander. You missed his smile, his dominant presence, his everything.

'And you caused it, and you caused it, and you caused it.'

   But there was nobody to blame- nobody except Alexander.