Let love find you, while you find yourself

Flashback - Fantasy

Flashback (as Shivaay senses from her diary)

It was her special day; he had finally agreed to fulfill her wish. She was on cloud nine, delirious for the forthcoming bike ride with HIM, but she composed herself not to show how desperate she was. Not that it was the first time, but it was more special this time for reasons best known just to her. As planned he dropped her home in his Yamaha Fz, the bike he fascinated so much, and the bike she always wished being his pillion on. Being in a public place she hesitated to hug him and mouthed a bye sadly. For a change he understood her hesitation and said we still have lots of time and flashed his charming smile. She didn't understand what he meant by that, but nonetheless was happy that for the first time he understood her hesitation. She bid a sad bye hoping to meet him soon.
As she lay on her bed, reminiscing moments that still hadnt become memories; a silly smile was plastered to her face. But suddenly she was confused.  "We still have lots of time"? she was unable to decipher this twisted yet simple code he had hung lose upon her. Oh! Right, Daksh is moving abroad for family business. What if this distance is forever? Her questions made her sweat profusely. The fear of losing him haunted her to bits. She gulped a glass of water and composed herself, thought about their journey of being buddies and relaxed. She squeezed her eyes shut to silence the screaming demons. After incessant tosses and turns she slept hugging her pillow.

Invisibly Rudra was noticing her from her doorway. He had come to meet her and speak about the day but see her talking to herself he stood by the door to observe her. Her awkward behavior worried him; he wanted to comfort her, but decided against it. Only after she slipped into a deep slumber, he went inside the room taking turtle steps so as to be careful not to wake her up. He caressed her frowns and as if she was the comfort she was seeking, she relaxed on his touch. Her frowns changed into a content smile. Seeing her smile, he promised to keep her distant from the worries of the world and to confront her as soon as she wakes up.
She woke to Rudra's smiling face; he served her hot ginger tea with her favorite cookies. She smiled heartily at his concern and cupped his face mouthing a thank you. Rudra was waiting for the right moment to confront her about the day's happenings. After rejoicing her tea to the last drop she slumped back on the bed. Rudra who was now annoyed by her antics, pulled her up and piercing into her eyes asked her what triggered such an awkward behavior out of her. Not ready for such an honest confrontation, she just raised her brows in a frown. Rudra was smart enough to understand that his sister was trying to ignore the topic. But he was hell bent in knowing what was wrong and what was worrying her. He narrowed his eyes giving a "as if you don't understand what I'm asking about" kind of look. She knew it was difficult to escape from this lion's cave and so decided to face her demons, both with him and her own self. 

"I know Rudy you would find it extremely weird about what I'm going to share with you; I guess you know what this could be about.
Okay, so I dont really know how to go about it, but to be on the face; I think I am really attracted to Daksh. Honestly, I am not sure if it is love, love kind of makes less sense to me but I find myself worrying about him constantly, find myself wanting to be noticed by him and annoyed when that doesnt happen.

We've been friends for long time now and weirdly, I never saw him like someone Id be attracted to. Daksh to me was the person who was too righteous and did no wrong and perfect in all dimensions. I know this comes across as just maybe a physical attraction or infatuation. But I think, to me, this attraction kind of makes complete sense. He has been my emotional magnet.

I get jealous when he concentrates on other girls. A huge part of me didnt want to share him, feels like he belongs just to me. I know this is on the edge of crazy and berserk but then as usual I dont know. I dont conclude this love, but I want him and me to happen.

I could have spoken to him about this, we share such a friendship, where I assume Im not judged, yet I'm confused about what I feel. And don't yet know if I should just go and blurt out or calm the tempest in my heart."

Listening to her confession patiently, not so pretty worry lines adorned his face. She looked at him questioningly unable to comprehend what was going on in his mind. Finally he spoke, "listen Anu don't mistake me for telling this", her questioning expression quickly transformed into confusion and apprehension. "I'm not sure about Daksh", he added. "And by the way, how did you lost it Anu" he asked accusingly. "You are emotionally balanced, then what happened to you? I truly understand that emotions are tough to avoid or control; it makes things complicated but, all that I would say is don't do something stupid without knowing what he feels for you. If you can't find about his feelings for you without confrontation then go for it, but until then be careful. It's better to be cautious than regretting it Anu", he said carressing her face lovingly and took her into a comforting hug.

She completely understood and accepted what he said. She smiled in assurance and asked him what was he doing that evening. He said he is free; with that they planned and went out for dinner, helped her ignore the demons in her head, even for the time being. These lone times with Rudra gave her peace because it was only with him that she could be herself oblivious to the society.