UNSENT LETTERS | RUCAS

09. can't have hope

March 22

I heard you broke up with Gardner. Although, I wouldn't exactly count it as breaking up with someone if you only dated for a few days, but the rest of the school seems to disagree with me; whatever. Anyways, I found out from Zay because, unlike with me, you're still friends with him. When I heard, I was happy, yes, but I was also shocked.

You and Gardner only dated for a few days, but you guys acted as if the Honeymoon faze was the greatest thing in the world. For these past few days, I had the displeasure of watching you two be a couple (which was the most sickening thing ever). For the past few days, I had to restrain myself from bashing Gardner's head in on multiple occasions. And now, you guys are just over? You guys acted like the most happiest couple (gag) in the whole world and now you're both nothing more than friends.  I would ask how does that even happen, but I think I know the reason.

Because something else happened today besides your breakup. You actually talked to me. After a month of dirty glares and avoidance, you came up to me and said hi. You looked at me with your big brown eyes, said hi, gave me one of your signature smiles, and left. That was when it clicked for me.

You broke up with him because of me. I just know it. I know you. I broke up with you in the most cruel way I could because I knew you would've held onto hope for us if I hadn't. Apparently, I hadn't been cruel enough because you still have hope for us. I saw it in the way you looked at me. You were angry with me before, but now you're over the anger and you have hope.

You can't have hope for us, Riley. Because no matter how much I'd like for it to be different, we can't be together. I'm no good for you. You deserve someone better. Someone who could give you more than I ever could. I need to make you move on from me completely.

That's why I have to make you believe I never loved you. I'm sorry.

With love,
Lucas