I've been remembering a lot of things lately. Memories I thought I had lost to time, have been poping up recently. I have no clue how to react to them, especially since the 'happy' memories aren't full of real happiness. I can't remember what real happiness feels like. Maybe I'm just a such at bad place now that nothing about me seems really happy or maybe, and probably most likely, I've never felt real happiness. I've definitely been getting worst recently. I actually have no idea how to feel sometimes. My walls that I have built are simultaneously shattering and growing stronger than ever before. I started shaking today for no reason, it wasn't even a panic attack, I just shook. I don't even know why I'm writing. I guess it's to just make me feel better, it's not like anybody reads this and actually pays attention to the words, not like anybody actually cares, but whatever.
