TW: Self harm, depression, suicide, homophobic language, mention of drugs, mentions of alcohol, rape.
She sat at the edge of the bridge, nothing but a former shell of who she once was. With streaks of dried tears staining her porcelain like cheeks she reminisced back on her life, thinking how cliche her inevitable death will be.
As she watched the sun slowly rising in the east, above the cement so far down below her unstable body, adding marigold and primrose hues to the everlasting sky, thinking back to her earliest memory. The memory was of her mother, it was painful, as most first memories are, seeing the paramedics drag her away from the dead body of her beloved husband, who come to find out was a victim of her violent mood swings. She didn't understand why her mother had ended her father's life right in front of her, and perhaps now she would never know.
"You'll pay for this old man!" Her mom yelled at the cop that was dragging her away. The frightened young girl slowly made her way towards the cold still body of her father. With tears in her small three year old eyes she walked away. They do grow up fast.
The sky slowly became the underrated color that was indigo. As the clouds slowly disperse from hiding whatever secrets they may want to keep, her mind starts screaming at her to hurry up her thought process before someone finds her in probably the most public place she could die in. She proceeded to think about her first experience with foster homes that she cared to remember, and never the good thing, only the bad. Walking down the tall spiraling staircase with the mahogany banister carved as a gift, the quality being questionable. Running halfway down the swirling torture, stopping halfway when she heard a thud. Running the rest of the way to find her only friend bleeding profusely from his head after trying to slide down the banister and falling off in the process.
"You girl, you did this, this act of the Devil! He did not just fall he was pushed by this ungodly thing!" The nun cried at the poor boy's teary eyed friend. "You shall burn in Hell for your sins! Now away with you! You filthy wretch." All the girl could do was nod and walk away slowly watching her friend take his final breaths.
The memory made her sadden expression one of emptiness that shall never be filled. Where sadness once stayed now numbness took over destroying her soul. She didn't even believe in religion, she didn't believe the vile words the nun spit at her. She had always wondered what had been going through that idiot's mind when mind when she accused her of the disgusting accident. She refused to think anything that came out of that woman's mouth was true, even after the apology that the nun was forced to give. That woman was nothing more than a moron to her.
The next memory that decided to make an appearance was also one that would make the most optimistic of humans pity her poor soul. Nobody likes the idea of losing control of their own actions, yet that is exactly what happened.
The bath water coming from the tap was freezing to the touch by the time she finally got to the front of the line for the bathroom. She had her usual towels and stuff but today she decided she wanted to shave for once. Big mistake. She settled into the frigid water the best she could. Next thing she knew she was sitting up more so than before with crimson oozing into the water causing it to slowly turn pink than bold red. She didn't even feel herself doing it. Her mind felt like it was no longer her's. she felt as if she was helpless, no matter the high she was experiencing from the rush of pain caused by her spacing. Her thoughts included all the usual 'why' questions, none of which would ever get more than an 'I don't know' in response. She got out of the bathroom soon after someone continuously banged on the bathroom door telling her she was holding up the line. She carefully held her belongings in a way to insure her now mutilated arms were hidden from the others on the premises.
