To Protect

2

I woke up the next morning feeling emotionally drained, but that was okay. I couldn't deal with anyone anyways. I walked downstairs and was immediately met with an energetic Beau.

"Jye-Jye!" He screeched hugging me. Beau has got to be the most annoying person in the world. Normally I would have told him off for mispronouncing my name, but I didn't have the energy to this time. Instead I just pushed him off of me and walked into the kitchen. "Jai?" I heard him question from behind me, but I ignored him. He's just upset he didn't get to harass me first thing in the morning.

Luke was sitting at the table eating some cereal when I entered the kitchen. I felt tears in my eyes at the sight of my twin, but I forced them back down. I walked past Luke and got a protein shake out since the thought of food suddenly disgusted me. I walked past him again and noticed him staring at me expectantly. What, was I that clingy and annoying?

"Um, Jai?" Luke questioned after I blatantly ignored him. It kind of hurts that he expects me to care about him, but he can't even say good morning to me first.

"What Luke?" I asked in a frustrated tone.

"Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" He jokes, but it just caused my irritation to grow.

"Not like you would care anyway." I mumble more to myself than to him.

"What's that supposed to mean, Jai?" Luke was outraged. Probably because I called him out on something.

"Nothing. I'm going to the gym." I leave before he can even respond.

Once I get to the gym, I let out all of my anger. I don't know exactly how long I went at it, but by the time I'm done I know that several hours have passed. I didn't even mean to stay longer than an hour. We were supposed to be filming a video today, and I doubt the boys waited for me.

My stomach growled and drug my attention to the fact that I hadn't eaten at all and that I was in desperate need of food. I quickly headed to the nearest McDonalds and got some food and then headed home.

"Where were you?" Beau screamed at me when I walked through the door. I guess they actually noticed I wasn't there for the video.

"Dunno." I responded sarcastically, knowing it would set him off.

"I don't have time for you, right now. If you would have bothered to check your phone than maybe you would know that Luke got knocked out today during the video you forgot to show up for! He ended getting in a fight with some dude and it didn't go too well for him."

"And?" I ask coldly. On the inside I was freaking out at the fact my twin was hurt, but I chose to push it away. I couldn't let him hurt me anymore. I had to push him away so that I wasn't so pathetic anymore.

"What's up with you today?" Beau rounded on me. "When you passed out in Germany, Luke was by your side as soon as possible! Can't you at least show him the same compassion?"

"That's funny! I remember him just being there so he could make jokes about me dying to the crowd. I'm normal, Beau. You're the one being weird." I defended myself. At least I know for sure who the favorite twin is now. Beau glared at me before sighing in defeat.

"Can you at least go comfort him, Jai. You're his twin and he needs you."

"No!" I hadn't meant to scream it like that, but I did. Beau was shocked a little at the sudden scream. For the most part I'm extremely quiet and I don't blow up like that often.

"You know what?" Beau clenched his jaw, "Don't talk to either of us until you decide to quit being such a jerk."

After Beau left the room, my tears started to fall heavily. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I never meant to make Beau hate me. People are always asking me and Luke who Beau likes better, and now I finally know the answer.

-

"Are you still mad at me for no reason?" Luke chuckled later that night.

"I'm not mad at you." I admit scrolling aimlessly through my twitter feed. It was true. I wasn't mad at Luke. I was just disappointed. I was also feeling kind of neglected. Not once has he asked me, 'Are you okay, Jai?'. He just doesn't care.

"Then what's your problem?" Luke asked frustrated with me. I sighed before forcing a smile on my face. I guess I took everything a bit overboard.

"I'm sorry. Things have just been rough for me today." I admit to him.

"Well, get over it. You can't miss videos like that. I could of died today!" Luke joked. Of course, he didn't even ask me what was wrong.

"Yeah." I agreed before getting up and walking to my room. I made it as far as the hallway before I felt a panic take over me. No one knows about my panic attacks. I haven't had one in years, but each time is just as scary as the first. What makes it worse is that I have no one to help me through them. I used to cuddle with Luke when we were younger, but now he hates me even hugging him so that's impossible.

I Hurriedly ran to my room and crouched down onto the floor and started to hyperventilate. Why do I have to be this stupid? I should of never treated Luke that way. It's always been this way between us so why change things? I must of passed out at some point, because my world slowly started to turn black.