supermarket flowers • lesy

4.4

Leigh's POV

My feet swung over the electric bed. I could feel my lip quivering uncontrollably as I tried to keep myself from crying.

"You can start chemo in a few minutes. Your insurance approved of it." How great.

I nod.

Hours before hand I came into my supposed to be work to start the possible life-saving-but-makes-me-feel-like-i'm-already-dead option that was treatment. Standard chemotherapy for right now.

I had a port in my chest, the stitches making it harder to look at, a scar awaiting when it'd be removed.

I'm going to have such an ugly scar.

"Why are you crying, Ms? Isn't this something you should be happy about?" The doctor questions me. It wasn't Arista this time, but someone else.

I was in a different part of the hospital. The normal oncology unit was probably bombarded with people that knew me. Too risky. So I threw a fit to be put somewhere secluded. Yeah, determination.

"Can't you just go get my nurse?" I snap.

He turns away from my door without saying anything to me. I don't blame him. Off to do as I said, probably.

It really wasn't long at all until the symptoms of this life shortening illness began to show up on me.

Every few hours I was licking blood off of my teeth and hoping a tiny little paper cut wouldn't be enough to kill me. Not to mention the fact that picking up a cup of water called for a fifteen minute break after. So fucking tiring.

It would happen so quick and take you out just as quickly. There was no time for Hollywood like scenarios where the person was unfortunately dying but also somehow beautiful and talented. Nope, I'm just dying.

That's why I was sitting here recieving a port and chemo in the same day. Or maybe that's not the reason I was here. Truthfully, I had no idea why I put myself in this situation.

I told Jesy about treatment. Only after sending her a hundred 'I'm Sorry' messages for being the intoxicated mess I'd been that night. But nonetheless I still told her. It made her pretty happy and I suppose that made me pretty happy too.

Right now though my head was spinning in absolute circles. I didn't have time to think about Jesy and her cute, beautiful, stupid fucking, sunshine eyes. I mean the only things I truly knew about her were the way she smelled and that she laughed really loud. Yet she knew my address, that I liked raspberry tea, and hm what's that other thing? Oh yeah she knows that I'm dying.

There were way too many things to worry about.

Today was just a focus on survival. I guess not how to survive for a lifetime but at least how to survive two hours of chemicals going through a vein of mine without almost throwing myself out the window.

Because though the thought of possibly dying within a couple of months was pretty scary, having to sit still for two hours? God kill me now!

A knock on the door startles me out of my thoughts. I wipe my eyes and look at the person.

"You ready ma'am?"

I nod, "Yeah, how long do you think it will be?"

"You'll be able to go home by tonight."

"No.. how long do you think it'll be until I lose my hair?"

"A few weeks. You should know that."

"I wasn't asking you to tell me what you learned in studies. Obviously I learned it too. I was asking for your opinion." I felt so angry at everyone. I was so angry at everything and I didn't mean to be.

The woman didn't say anything back to me but gave a sympathetic nod. She set me up and patted my shoulder.

"You're a sweet girl, Leigh. Don't let some dumb illness take that from you because you're better than that."

I didn't even look at her. She was right. My mood swings were only going to get worse if I didn't take ahold of my actions.

"Oh and Leigh-Anne?"

I look up.

"Looks like someone left you a present," She bends down from outside the door and hands me the gift. Out she walks.

Bouquet of flowers. Classic.

Picked these up from the market on my way to school.
Anytime you feel sad or ill pull a petal off so that the next time I see you I know how many times to hug you.

Love,
Jesy. Your girlfriend.

What a dweeb. A cute, cute dweeb.

I lay the flowers on my lap and pluck off a single petal, sliding it into my pocket.

In the corners of my mouth I taste blood. Spitting the red liquid out of my mouth, I pluck off another petal. And then I remembered the reason I was stuck sitting in a chair so I pulled off another one. But then I remembered Jesy's stupid cute face and before I knew it the only things left in my hands were the thorns of what was once beautiful.

I picked up my phone.

To: Jesy
You owe me a lot more than a hug.
message sent. 3:16pm.

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