Light Blue

Part iv- Nine Letters

4

I near him and with every step I become surer that I wasn’t imagining. I nearly cry with happiness and ignoring all the alarmed looks from everyone else, I keep running towards him and stare momentarily at his familiar eyes, the eyes that looked up at the sky with me every night. But the momentum carries me too far forward and I stumble as I jump onto him.  He steps back wildly in shock and the red heart shaped balloons in his hand escapes up into the air lazily yet I still don’t let go.

 “Oscar!” I say, completely out of breath, my arms around his neck hugging him tightly. “Oh My God. I can’t believe it.” My voice muffles against his chest. I expect him to say that everything is going to be alright but he doesn’t hug me back.

“Oscar?” I ask into his shoulder. His hands carefully lift mine away and he steps away from me, setting me down gently onto the ground.

“Oscar?” I say confused. “It’s me, Delilah.”  He had to be real. I could hug him and I can see him plain as daylight straight in front of me. Why is he looking at me like that? Why is his face so confused? So scared? 

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

Do you ever feel time slowing down? Do you ever feel as though you're standing completely still with everything in a freeze frame trying to create an ever lasting picture? A picture you create in order to to try and preserve the final moment so that you can play the laughter, pause the memories, stop the pain and rewind the happiness.  I wish I could do that now, because I paused enough of the meomires, I've rewound the happiness countless times and I played the laughter on a daily basis. But I couldn't stop the pain this time. The perfect freeze frame shatters.

**

Words hurt. I had learnt that the hard way. Each letter always had a knife edge and I had felt the pain of every single one in my life but nothing has ever cut me as badly as those three words, those nine letters. ‘Who are you?’ I could barely breathe. The world acts normally around us but I was far from feeling normal.

“What do you mean ‘who are you?” I half scream at him. Tears leak from the corners of my eyes. I want to scream, to shout out loud. I’m over-reacting but I’m just like a pressure cooker full of locked away anger and sadness. He looks around cautiously and put a hand on my arm.

“Hey, I’m sorry. But I really don’t know who you are.” He says, biting his lip. I stare into his face but there is no sign of a joke.

“You really don’t know. You’re not joking.” I say with a wobbly voice. I look away. I’m such a fool to think he would ever remember me. So much for hope. A girl with black hair comes up next to him and puts her arm around his waist. She kisses his cheek.

“Where are the balloons?” She asks sweetly. Oscar doesn’t answer as he looks at me. He quickly lets go of my arm. She looks at me also and the atmosphere suddenly becomes thick. My eyes open wide in shock and I try to gain the ability to speak, trying to suss out the kiss, the closeness. All anger drains out of me like a deflating balloon.

“Delilah!” Amelia runs up behind me but she stops abruptly and stares also at the girl. Now that Amelia had arrived, the air had turned to ice; we could only gape.

“Emily?” Amelia says with disbelief and a look of fear passes across her face. Emily raises an eyebrow and looks at Amelia.

“Amelia?” She asks.  She turns back to me. “Delilah.” We don’t say a single word and her lip curls upwards in a half triumphant smirk.

“Do you know her?” She asks Oscar, gesturing towards me. I look at him pleadingly but he shakes his head.

“No, I don’t. I’ve never seen her before.” He replies in monotone.

Emily places her hand on his arm and plants a kiss on his lips before pulling him away from us, only glancing back to smile coldly. At that one moment, I know what it was to be truly heart broken in more than one way. All pieces of my heart are scattered to the winds. Amelia leads me away like a little child scared stiff and I stare at their retreating backs.

We sit down on our picnic rug without talking. We sit in awkward silence and the sun goes in behind the clouds. Amelia clears her throat.

“Emily.” She says. I nod slowly and I know we’re thinking of the same thing. The same thing that happened  two years ago.

“We won’t let her this time. It’s over.” I say. She nods as well but I can still see the ghosts of the memories in her face and the pain in her eyes.

“Oscar?” She asks with an attempt at a smile. My lip trembles but I don’t want to cry.

“No. It's not him” I whisper. Amelia looks confused.

"I mean, it is him but he's not the same he doesn’t remember me." I hold back a sob. "I’m a fool to even think he would. He looks completely fine without me. Not that he could remember what I was like.”

Tears also fill Amelias eyes.

"I......" She starts.

We both have nothing to say to comfort each other. In an instance our pasts had come back and instead of being a ghost and welcome, it had stomped on us hard and bought us back to reality.

“So long for a peaceful break.” She instead says shakily. And we both weep against each other. We let our walls come down because there is nothing left to protect. Oscar didn’t remember me and the words that once built up the strength and courage vanished being replaced by concealed pain,  just as he did under the sky and just as he did when he walked away from me.

A/N First, so, so sorry for the long wait! Second, so, so, so sorry for the epic crapiness and shortness of this chapter -.- So who is Emily and what has she got to do with Amelia and Delilah? I know that this part is kind of cliche and almost predictable, but I really do appreciate strangulation to the minimum. In this I really tried to express the pain and I don't know whether I've done it justice. Really. I'm crying.... I'm afraid Descar might have to wait a little longer.... :'( Please vote, comment and share,

-starfromouterspace xx

-----------------> Song to the right is Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. x