Light Blue

Part v- Memories Echo

5 

I stand on the observation deck of the Eiffel Tower, looking down on the city. I want to say that I’m in a dream again, but alas, this is reality. Other tourists jostle for position, families leaning against each other to take pictures. I take out my own camera and I take a couple of pictures. Some of the Arc de Triomphe, some of the sprawling streets where cars move at snail pace. My hands shake however and I rest my camera against the railing, afraid that it will tumble out. I turn my back against the view and lean against the railing.

It was Amelia’s idea to come up here even though it is the afternoon rush. She packed up that picnic by throwing it all into the hamper in one go, not caring that all the food were getting squashed. She explained to me that she was squashing all the ‘bad things’ away and that we were going to turn a new leaf. She said it with such enthusiasm, even I forgot about what had happened. She said that this is the time to forget and to make new memories. She even stopped me and half yelled into my face that I had to forget and I had to bury it inside.

“Don’t feel it!” She says, but her face is twisted in pain. “We can do this together. Just…..” But she didn’t even know what to say.

 Even though I agreed with her then, a part of me deep inside refuses to forget. I could never forget those things and I’m permanently scarred. In the next hour, I started mending my walls.

As much as I know Amelia is trying to help ourselves, I don’t want to be helped.

“Oscar, I want to talk. I want to talk to you. And I want you to help, even if it takes the whole night.”

I squeeze my eyes shut as I remember the words that I had said to him. A tear falls down my cheek but I wipe it away quickly.

‘Don’t remember it. Conceal it, don’t feel it.’ I mumble under my breath. Sighing I pick up my bags and walk around the deck, not even the beginnings of a sunset could cheer me up.

"It's beautiful isn't it?"

"Yes, yes it is."

“Forget about him, forget about him.” I mutter under my breath, but I feel all tight inside and I feel warm. With my head down, I walk into someone and I nearly drop my camera. They stoop down and catch it quickly.

“Hey, careful there.” they say. I internally groan as my heartbeat quickens. I recognise the all too familiar voice. I look up warily, preparing myself; Oscar is standing right in front of me. I thank him quickly and I grab the camera out of his hands and I half run around the deck trying to escape him.

“Catch me if you can.”

His voice echoes in my head and I stop abruptly, sinking to my knees, not caring that tourists stumble over me and grumble incessantly about rude tourists.

“Are you alright?” I can see Oscar. He had caught up with me and his face is creased with worry.

“Leave me alone!” I yell up at him. I stand up again and I dodge past him.

“No, wait! Don’t go!” He calls out, reaching out his hand but his fingertips barely caught mine when I had disappeared into the throng of people.

“No, wait! Don’t go.”

It echoes in my mind.

I push through the crowd and I try to find Amelia. I can see Oscar following me through the crowd. I dash for the nearest elevator and I push myself in, trying to ignore the protests of everyone else. The doors close as his face appears looking confused and hurt. I lean back against the wall and inside I begin to cry.