Light Blue

Part xxxviii- Crossroads

38

Amelia is sitting in one of the chairs, flicking through photos on my camera. When I close the door with a snap she turns around and puts the camera down. I press my back against the door and she raises one eyebrow questioningly.

“Well? Still in one piece?”

I shrug and push off and drop myself into the chair beside her. She moves her chair around so that she is facing me. She crosses her legs and settles back.

“So?” she asks, her face completely blank. I cross my legs and stare at her with an equally blank expression.

“He wants to meet at the Eiffel Tower at 8 tonight for one more chance,” I say without a trace of emotion. We stare at each other for a little longer, willing for one of us to break. But then she a smile breaks on her face.

“Nah, sorry, can’t do that for much longer.” She instead leans forwards and rests her elbows on her thighs. “Well? You’ve kept me waiting! Come on! What happened? I want absolutely everything, preferably PG if you know what I mean.”

I pull a face and roll my eyes but the effect is somewhat lost.

“Nothing  like that happened Amelia. Geez! No, all that happened was he wanted to come back and apologise and then I realised, well, how shit I was reacting and then I just decided to give him one more chance.” I pause and look at Amelia. “That is the right thing, right? I mean I don’t know what will happen.”

“The beauty of seizing the day. Do you think it’s the right thing?”

“Yes and no.”

“No?”

“I think I might need to write something.”

Amelia merely looks at me and nods slowly. She somehow looks older and her eyes are full of understanding.

“I get it.”

I half smile. “You’ve changed.”

She gasps in mock horror. “Moi? I have always been like this. Maybe it is you who’s changed, starting with meeting up with him this afternoon. You’re not a crying wreck. Maybe it’ll do you good this. Looking out for yourself for once. But it’s up to you how you want this to go. What do you really want, but then what is it you really need?”

Standing up, she stretches up and yawns.

“I might have a nap. Wake me up later. One last dinner tonight and then you can waltz off to the Eiffel Tower?”

I smile grudgingly.

“You’re on.”

She smiles and walks over to her bed. Just before she pulls the covers over her head, I speak up, “Hey Amelia?”

“Mmm?”

“Thank you. Really.”

She pokes her head around her duvet. “Honey, it’s no problem. I think you’re entitled to a little help. Remember; you don’t need to be together all of the time, even though I know you try your damn hardest. Don’t worry.” With one last smile she disappears behind the covers. I sit still in my chair for a little while, until I can hear quiet snoring from her bed. I walk over to the windows and step out onto the balcony quietly.

The day reminds me very much of our first day here- very calm, very perfect. I walk back inside the room and grab the journal and a pen. Sitting down in one of the chairs on the balcony, I flip open the journal to the middle pages- the blank ones I had left, and I begin to write.

From time to time, I look up and twirl my pen in my fingers and close my eyes briefly, to let the summer haze wash over me. With every word inked out, ever letter full of some indescribable meaning, the one step closer I become to for once knowing the answer to all these unanswered questions. The pages fill up quickly and the writing becomes smaller and cramped. I then flick to the back and scribble down a few things on the very last page. The pen comes down with a final dot and with that I close the journal for one last time, the binding not showing resistance. I stare at it in my hand for a while, worn around the edges and I imagine holding it in a different situation.

A breeze has picked up and the light had definitely faded away and still I keep staring at it. There was an ending I could feel. But a beginning also. The whole thing had come a full circle and I had finally realised for once that this was, well, the end. I was at a crossroads, in a station, waiting to leave or stay.

A state of peace had been reached.

An answer had been reached.

I get up from the chair and walk back into the room. The clock on the wall reads 7 O’clock. I glance at Amelia and she is still fast asleep. So I grab my camera for one last time, but when I check the SD card, I see that it is full. Blinking red like a warning. I put the camera down again and switch it off. The lens shrink back in with a whir and the screen goes blank.

The clock ticks on and I smile at the camera, putting it back into the case and zipping it away into my suitcase.

 Strolling over to the hotel desk, I grab a piece of paper and write down a note to Amelia. I start writing a long, elaborate one, but then I pause and scrunch it up.

Instead I replace it with a shorter one.

‘Amelia, I’ve made up my mind.

I’m putting my armour away.

You’ll understand.

Delilah x’

I fold it up and leave it on her bedside table. She’ll see it eventually.

 I tip toe over to the room door, the journal clutched in my hand and I close it quietly behind me.

A/N Sorry for the delay. Been a bit busy....This chapter was quite hard to write. I wasn’t sure how to go about writing it, because Delilah, she’s at a place where she has to make decisions, of right or wrong and it was difficult trying to convey it. I might go back later and edit, to try and do it better. So what do you think she’s chosen to do? The story is truly near the end, and I’ve been re reading it- some parts I cringe at and shake my head and some I just couldn’t believe I had written (good and bad). But now, I feel Delilah has grown up.

Thank you guys, for reading. You all deserve a dedication.

-yuey x

----------------------------> song to the right is ‘Gravity’ by Sara Bareilles