Three Years

two

As soon as Kirstie and Sierra arrived home, the little girl kicked off her rain boots and wanted to start on her project immediately. She was so excited to learn about her family that she was bouncing around the room in her socks, which Kirstin found absolutely adorable. 

Even though she was terrified to tell her daughter everything she had been hiding.

Kirstie grabbed some coloured pens, a sheet of paper and some glitter for good measure -sparkles made everything better.

"So, who is on the tree, Mummy?" Sierra asked curiously, gazing at her mother through her bright, emerald eyes that she inherited from her father. Sometimes, Kirstie couldn't even bare to look at Sierra directly because it reminded her too much of him. Although Sierra looked mostly like Kirstin - she even had some of her light freckles - she definitely had her father's mesmerising eyes. Kirstin felt awful about it every single time. What kind of mother didn't want to look at their perfect child? 

The kind of mother who was broken by the father.

Kirstin bit her lip in thought - a bad habit she had picked up in high school already. Maybe she could avoid the subject of... him... and she could just speak about everyone else. Her parents, her sister... it could work if she was careful.

"Well, firstly we have to put your grandmother and grandfather on the tree. Their names are Angelica Maldonado and Michael Cisneros," she watched as Sierra wrote down their names on the paper, her swirly handwriting spelling it so very wrong. "You've never met them because your grandfather sadly passed away when you were only a month old, and your grandmother lives in Texas."

Sierra's eyes grew to the size of saucers and her tiny mouth dropped open, "Texas? My grandmother is from Texas?"

"And I'm also from Texas, sweetie," Kirstin smiled, knowing what her daughter's reaction would be.

A grin spread on Sierra's face and she started to run around the room again, her blonde, curly locks flying everywhere as she did so. "Mummy is from Texas! That means I'm a cowgirl! I can't wait to tell all my friends at school." She continued to bounce around until she got tired and returned to her seat by the table. Kirstin giggled to herself while watching the entire thing; her daughter could be quite entertaining.

"What else do you want to know, my love?" Kirstin asked once Sierra calmed down, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

Sierra paused for a moment, her naturally pink cheeks growing more pink than she thought could be possible. "Is my daddy a cowboy? Is he also from Texas?" The small girl asked quietly. She knew from personal experience that her mother didn't like to talk about anything that had to do with her father.

Oh, Lord.

"Umm, your f-father isn't a cowboy, unfortunately, because he isn't from Texas. He's from a place called California in America," Kirstin stuttered, panicking a bit on the inside; Sierra was starting to ask questions about him. 

"Do you have a brother or a sister?" The three year old asked as she peered up at her mother, waiting to write down his or her name. 

"Um, yeah. I have a half sister called Graycie Maldonado," Kirstin muttered softly. Her mood just went down after she had to mention him.

Sierra's eyebrows crinkled together in a frown of confusion. "What's a half sister?"

"It means my sister has the same mother as me, but her father is different. That's why it's called a half sister," she explained.

Sierra's mouth formed an 'o' shape in amazement before writing her aunt's name down on the white page in a bright pink colour. She thought all siblings had to have the same parents.

"Anyone else on the family tree, Mummy?" 

"I-I..."

Kirstin fumbled with her words as tried to think of more family members from her side, but it was pointless. She had a mother and a father and a half sister, that was about it. She had tried to delay the news but there was no more delaying it...

...she had to tell Sierra about her father's side of the family.

But it was like her brain was preventing her mouth from say it. The second she just wanted to say the first letter of his name she started to choke up and her throat closed up.

A few moments of silence later and Sierra finally spoke up, "Mummy, can please you say who my daddy is?" Kirstin glanced down at her daughter who was looking up at her innocently.

Lie to her. 

She so badly wanted to just lie, Sierra wouldn't know the difference, but it was literally impossible for her to lie to her little angel. 

Sierra noticed Kirstie's hesitation and spoke again gently, "You don't have to say it if it makes you sad, Mummy."

Kirstin closed her eyes for a brief moment.

Just say it. It's two words. It's just his name.

She took in a shaky breath before responding with a simple, "Sweetie, your dad's name is Avi Kaplan."