Thanks to Music [complete]

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Seven

It was pure silence as the two of us stared at him, with his clenched fists and angry eyes. The jealousy was evident, along with other feelings that included loneliness and regret. I was frozen to the spot, the impact of his sudden appearance still setting in. After weeks of avoiding him, seeing him now again was a shock to the senses. One half wished he'd just go away but the other was begging him to stay.

In front of me, I saw Josh's shoulders tense and rise. His fingers curled into angry fists, and I held them with my own hands to calm him down, but to no avail. I was sure that if I could look into his eyes now, the warmth they held only minutes ago would be gone to be replaced with only fury.

Suddenly, the emotions in Julien's eyes - jealousy, hurt, hatred - disappeared. Suddenly it was like he wasn't sure what he was doing there. He looked lost, lonely, destroyed. It gnawed at my heart but I refused to relent. At least just yet.

"I won't...give up, Jamie," he tried to say with some difficulty, taking a step closer. But as he did, Josh's arm swung backwards to catch me in the stomach, effectively keeping me back. Julien stopped his advance, but the rest of his words came out in a rush. "I've been looking for you, trying to find you, to see you. I'm giving up on moving on, I can't do it anymore. The story of my life has been and always will be loving you."

Simple words, complicated meaning. And yet, with those few sentences, he managed to impact me even more than prom night. I felt my breath hitch in my throat, and he took that small betrayal of my emotions as an invitation. As he started advancing again, Josh pushed me back further with a fierce growl.

"Stay away from her," he snapped. His intensity surprised me, having never seen this side of him before. Maybe he was still stuck in that difficult process of moving on, but that doesn't mean his protective streak would disappear.

Julien stopped abruptly and raised his hands in defeat. "I wanted to back then, Josh. But I don't want to fight anymore. I'm only here for her, and if I have to, I'll do it with you here."

"Step back, Josh," I murmured quietly, surprising the both of us. His hand fell back to his side, looking back at me with a raised eyebrow and an unspoken question whether I was sure or not. With my nod, he reluctantly stepped back to let me in front.

Feeling his eyes burning holes into my back and Julien's boring into my soul, I was on the verge of sweating in my nervousness. "Julien?" I tried hesitantly.

I didn't have the time to register what had happened when he yanked me into his arms, holding me unstruggling against his body. Deprivation made me curl my arms up around the back of his neck, choking him just to keep him near me. Behind me, I know Josh was wisely trying to control himself, but it was like living in my own world again. "Damn it, Julien!" I shouted suddenly, pushing away from him abruptly to glare and hit his chest with a weak clenched hand.

Josh choked on a guffaw behind me, as the bewildered boy in front of me stared wide-eyed. He cocked his head to one side, confusion in his eyes. After that suffocating hug, this was my reaction. "I hate you, Julien," I mumbled, folding my arms across my chest.

I looked away quickly from his gaze, not before I missed the fleeting hurt cross his eyes. "You make me love you," I whispered, letting my hands fall. The anger in my eyes faded to be replaced with hopelessness. I made the mistake of looking directly at him. Three steps brought him to me, the emotion in my sad eyes the exact opposite. The wonderful hope in his eyes sparked the cinders in my heart, making me realize just how much I needed him in my life. Rejecting him had been necessary but it impacted the both of us in immeasurable ways. The truth of the matter is that I couldn't live without him.