Obsession (Ayano x Budo)

Chapter 12

"Thanks again for trying out the club. I know it's not really your kind of thing, but I just thought it'd be nice to practice with my friend."

"Its fine. Like you said - it'll do me some good to sweat a bit. And besides, you owe me one now."

Budo nodded absent-mindedly already detaching himself from the conversation. He was jittery with nerves. His fingers kept tapping along his thighs, drumming a fast beat on the coarse martial-arts gear fabric, a beat that matched his heart. His eyes kept flickering around the club room over Taro's shoulder, searching the small crowd always for that pair of mysterious, swirling grey eyes. Still not there. He felt a renewed tinge of self-doubt in himself.

Where is she? I thought I had what she wants most - right here.

Worry worked on his mind and he kept looking. I need her to come, to spend time with me, and I know she'll fall in love with me. If she doesn't come... I'm not sure what else I can do...

There is always the last resort... But no, Budo wouldn't use that yet.

"Um, Budo?"

Budo glanced back to Taro in surprise, caught unexpectedly, a little embarrassed.

"Oh, sorry! I was just daydreaming."

Taro sighed in exasperation, but in bemusement at his friend. A wry smile caught on his lips as he shook his head slightly. "Really, now? You force me to come so you can spend more time with me, and yet you ignore me to think about some girl?"

Taro's laughter increased immensely as he saw the sudden shock on Budo's face. "I'm right, aren't I? Has the tough Budo finally fallen in love?"

Taro released another teasing smile, his dark eyes glittering with amusement. He knew he was making him embarrassed.

"You know, Budo, I've been seeing that look on your face for a while now... and I think I know who you like."

"What? Who?" Budo's eyes didn't shift from Taro's, so anxious was he. Taro always has his eyes in his books. He couldn't be right. But he waited anyway, hardly breathing.

"It's... Ayano, isn't it?" Taro whispered cautiously, watching Budo's face.

Budo didn't let any reaction show, but he felt his insides freeze. And then the truth settled in. A mixture of absolute shock and dread began to fill him. How had he known? He acted so normally when Ayano was being introduced. Had someone told him?

I must lie. A sudden rush filled Budo, unfreezing his scared-stiff body with the power of  protectiveness. He can't know. It tore through him like a riptide and his body took over automatically where his mind was too slow to comprehend. Come on. Lie some more. You're already so good at it.

Only a second had passed, and Budo smiled a little, as if from a mix of relief. "Oh, wow, I almost thought you got it, Taro."

"Oh, really? And you introduced her and everything. Guess I'm losing my touch. Never mind then." Taro looked a little disappointed with himself.

Past his calm facade, Budo's heart was still jumping wildly in shock and panic. He was hardly able to feel the relief from how easy it was. Almost too easy.

Budo continued casually, "I only introduced her to you because she asked me to. I think she's interested in you."

Taros expression gave away nothing. "Oh?"

"Are you?" Although his eyes seemed soft and playful, they pinned to Taro in anticipation.

"Uh, not... really. She's a little weird for my taste."

A silent relief washed over Budo. Thank God. "Yeah, I know. You like them aggressive and bossy, right?"

"Maybe just... A little less creepy? I dunno. I don't think so. And speaking of aggressive, have you still not seen Osana yet? She hasn't come to school for two days, and since her parents are out of town-"

"You know what it's like. Haven't you ever been sick before?" Budo interrupted with a sarcastic sigh.

....

"A little too weird for my taste".

Senpai had said those words. Spoken so quietly, so non-committedly, the string of words were whispered, again and again, in her ears.

Ayano's uncomprehending eyes stared blankly at him from behind the martial arts door, at her love, her shy and smart Taro. Her Taro that just called her "weird", "creepy".

For the first time in her life, she didn't want to watch him anymore. Slowly, Ayano fell back from the side of the open door, stepped away from it for good measure, and sat her back flat against the cold bite of the wall. Her arms fell to her sides, limp, exposed palms feeling the cold, rough texture of the wall. Her eyes fell onto the window opposite her, which was displaying the outside world. She stared at the low, leaden clouds smeared over the horizon like a single slate of solid grey. She looked at the everlasting spread of the clouds, feeling as if her mind were too slow. "Weird", she whispered to herself under her breath, eyes unblinking.

Is that what he really thinks of me? That I'm too weird?

Ayano did nothing but watch, blank, unaffected. Her gaze dropped to her hands, which she raised, open, and considered them. Why weren't they clenched tight in rage? Surely she should be furious? Yet she wasn't, instead all she thought was: I have disappointed him. He doesn't want me.

Ayano felt something unfurl from within herself. Her eyes were stuck to her hands, her body stiff and suddenly cold, as if an internal malfunction had paralyzed her, leaving her only capable of feeling. There was a deep ache beginning in the dark inside of her chest. It was like someone was digging the point of a knife into her heart, as gently and slowly as possible. It began to spread from her heart and up to her throat, like licks of fire or shards of cracked ice. A hard, cold ball formed in her throat, and she couldn't swallow it away. She was hurting so much. What is this I'm feeling?

She didn't realize that she was crying until she heard the quiet sob break from her like a choke. Her hands began trembling slightly. Her lungs were failing to breathe, managing only to heave in enough air to cry out quietly. The aching emptiness was so deep, scathing and unbearable. It was building up like a house destined to collapse.

He doesn't like me. He doesn't want me. I'm unwanted. Her thoughts spilled like ribbons from her mind, while her vision blurred, her heart crumpled, her voice so weak, even inside her mind. All of this was for him. Have I just sacrificed everything... for nothing?

It hurt so much. Ayano could simply not believe that her Taro would do this to her. Suddenly, a realization flashed through her mind like a stark lightning bolt, and just like that, she froze mid-cry, her heartbreak stilted.

It's Budo who manipulated him. Taro would never say such things. He doesn't understand. Budo is to blame. Budo is deceitful. He wants to separate me from Taro. Budo's fault that Taro doesn't love me! Budo. Budo. Budo.

Ayano felt herself slipping back into a familiar feeling: possessiveness. Her tears still fresh on her face, her heart still crying out, and she felt this strange mix of emotions play within herself. She felt frustrated. What do I do?

The answer was simple.