Obsession (Ayano x Budo)

Chapter 34

The school gate was shut.

Of course, this is what happens when you're late for school, Budo thought. Gripping the iron bars in his hands, he held his breath and lifted, pushing himself past the trembling of his muscles. At the same time, he pushed off the ground with his feet. In a sleek and single movement, Budo twisted himself over the tops of the school gates and landed on his feet in a crouch. He stood up and started running towards the school, barely waiting to catch his breath.

It was already lunch. There wasn't much time left before classes started again. This was his only chance to speak to Ayano after yesterday, and he was determined to find her as quickly as possible.

It was unimaginably easy. The closer she was to him, the more tingles he would feel erupt over his skin in subconscious recognition. He knew he could find her in a dark room, and this was reassuring. His let his feet lead the way - into the corridors, up the stairs, to the roof. As he realised suddenly what it meant for her to be here, he had a moment of sarcastic annoyance - of course she would be up here, where she'd used to spy on Taro in the courtyard. Ugh. Budo shook off the sudden irritation and kept it hidden within him for now, promising himself that he could take it out on a certain someone later. He started to open the closed doors to the rooftop, and, as soon as they parted, he saw her.

There she was, sitting on the bench with the winter wind blowing the loose strands of her hair across her face. She was sitting quietly, looking at the ground as if lost in thought. There were fewer people on the roof than usual, as most had gone indoors to evade the chilly wind. Dark steel grey stretched across the sky, the clouds suffocatingly low. Across the railings, the cherry blossom trees were bending, their blossoms being blown away. Sakura petals whirled in the air like pale pink confetti, offset by a leaden background.

He started walking towards her, registering the beautiful solemness weighing down her eyes. Look at her. I should have been here sooner.

Budo took a seat on the bench next to Ayano and she jerked upright, as if she'd just been slapped awake from a daydream. She cast a glance alongside him, which he greeted with a slight wave. She looked away from him and set her eyes resolutely on the ground before her. Her hands started absent-mindedly unpacking her lunch box, which Budo noticed had lain untouched on her lap. He drew some conclusions in his head.

After an awkward moment, he asked cautiously, "Are you feeling glum because of Taro?"

"If you don't mind, I'd like to be alone," Ayano said stiffly, face deadpan as she looked down. "So please do not talk to me."

The words didn't make much difference to Budo. As long as he could sit next to her, he didn't mind not talking. From this distance, he could smell the vanilla sweetness and glass-cool bitterness of her skin, could even feel the cool-warmth of her body just a few feet away. Hot-cold shivers ran down his spine, running like icy liquid from his feet to his head and down again. Subconsciously, he held onto every breath and feeling, storing them deep into his memory like mementos for happiness. 

But even as he did this, he couldn't help but be acutely aware of her obvious suffering. Even if her presence was nourishing his soul, the aura surrounding her was sour. He couldn't fully enjoy himself and started to feel agitated. She should never have to feel sad. Sitting here doing nothing but watch made Budo's skin itch. Determined, he set down his food besides him, near the outer edge of the bench, then turned to Ayano. Before she could even look up, he wrapped his arms around her sides in a tight hug. He felt Ayano startle.

"What are you doing?" She sounded taken-aback, but Budo was relieved that she was not angry. She wasn't thinking about Taro now, he was sure. The feeling of his arms touching the bare skin of hers was electrifying, and suddenly he remembered the first time they'd touched. It was just like then - still fantastic, capturing the complete attention of his body and rendering him incapable of any other thought than her - her - her...

She had ordered him not to speak, so he couldn't give her an answer. Instead, he began rubbing small circles soothingly on her back. She stiffened, and started to push away from him, but she was weaker than him and her arms were pinned to her side. "Let me go," she demanded.

Budo didn't want to. For just a second, he imagined what would happen if he kissed her right there and then. He desperately and selfishly wanted to, but held himself back. She deserved better than a rooftop rendezvous. He'd prove to her he was worthy. Right now he could sense she was feeling embarrassed that others would see them hugging, but he instead hoped that everyone would see that she was his. Just this once, he allowed himself to disobey her. "You are hurt," he spoke softly.

"You," she said, as if Budo was the biggest pain in the world. "You are... so strange." 

He felt slightly disheartened by her tone and response. Why isn't she enjoying this as much as I am? That was enough. He shouldn't scare her off. Budo wistfully released his hold and let his arms fall back to his sides. He realised he was sitting closer to her than before, but he didn't scoot away. Ayano shook her head as she resumed unpacking her lunch.

"Ayano, will you be okay?" he asked her. "You are restless."

""Restless"?" she repeated, for some reason suddenly aggravated. She gave a look as sharp and dangerous as knives at Budo. "What do you mean by that?"

Budo sensed that he had made a mistake. He selected his next words carefully under her scrutinising eyes. "I mean... that you do not have a current goal, or purpose, now that Taro is gone." He was trying to show her that he could sympathise by referring to how he would feel if she was gone from his own life.

"Are you saying that my life is now meaningless?"

"Ah, no." Why was he struggling so much? "I just- I mean that... Ugh-" He took a breath, and in that time he looked at Ayano, he was paralysed as he saw her ashen hair whispering across her face and her brilliant dark eyes focused on him. He remembered why he was here and he started over again. "Taro, who has taken up so much of your time until recently, is gone now. So you have a huge gap in most of your time. I understand that now you might feel out-of-sorts, since your routine has been disturbed, so I just want to let you know... that I want to help fill that gap... "

He continued even as Ayano's head turned away and she started eating. He knew that she was still listening. "...So you shouldn't think about it anymore, because doing that won't change anything. But I know you can't just stop that. It isn't easy. I think what you need is closure, and I know how we can get that." 

Budo had made sure to emphasise one word.

That last sentence had made her stall, food halfway to her mouth, and Budo was certain she'd picked up on what he'd meant. It took a few seconds for her to fully dissect what he'd said. She sighed. "Fine. I agree."

Relief washed through him as he said, barely containing his excitement, "Then you know what we must do, right? And you know who I'm talking about right? If I know you, then you'll have no problem doing it..."

She still didn't look at him. "Yes, yes, I understand. The only question is how. It may be difficult."

"Ah, I have prepared already, actually. I can't give the details here." Budo looked around at the trickle of students grazing the rooftop pointedly. "May I meet you tonight at your house? Around eight?"

"Fine." 

She didn't give him her address, or press him further, or even initiate idle chit-chat, but rather continued eating, silently and joylessly. Budo sensed that their conversation was at an end for today. For once, both of them were on the same page. Happily, he started eating. Today, he'd saved a very special lunch that he could eat next to Ayano. It was a bit old already, but he'd noticed that the bread had started to go a bit moldy, and since he didn't know how to preserve it, he'd decided to eat it.

Ayano didn't look at what it was in the opaque lunchbox, but if she had, she'd have seen it was a chicken mayonnaise sandwich, cut into four triangles with some herb sprinkled on top of the filling.