Saving Zeisha - Completed √

Chapter 02

 "All children should be taught to unconditionally accept, approve, admire, appreciate, forgive, trust, and ultimately, love their own person."   

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~Zeisha

All day I was getting annoyed by small minor acts. Even if the person speaks to me sweetly I was screaming at them but regretting it soon afterwards. My anger was coming out as irritation to everything. This got me onto fight with my mother about me doing nothing , sitting all day not lifting one finger and yelling at everyone.

All this was on my mind at night and soon my feelings started becoming unsympathetic of me telling me that I shouldn't have done that or that I am a bad person or a crazy person. A voice compelling me that it's not normal. I AM NOT NORMAL. This got me to weeping and blaming myself for every single thing.

The sound of my bedroom door opening diverted my attention to it. My room's light was switched on I saw my mom standing there with a tense face. I don't know why seeing my mom concerned made me cry harder. I couldn't stop my tears.
My mom quickly hugged me as I kept crying.

" Zeisha Darling, what's wrong? "

" I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel many things which I don't think is normal. Sometimes I want to die but I don't have guts to do that. I just feel I am lost and no one can save me."

"Nothing's wrong with you dear. Everyone goes through it sometime in their life. But sweety I will arrange for you an appointment with a therapist." She said soothing me and stayed with me until I was asleep.

Next day I met up with a therapist who I explained the same thing. She was not like that counselor. Her kind and warm behavior made me reveal everything.

" Hello Mrs. Johnson." I greeted her with a kind smile.

" Hello Zeisha. So tell me what's bothering you, dear?" She asks gently.

" Things just seem off to me. I can't seem to express myself. I have anger issues. Everything irritates me.It's like there's a glass wall between me and the rest of the world. Everything seems hopeless to me. I am crying a lot for no apparent reason. I feel as though I am drowning and suffocating and there's no one to save me. I feel like I am a failure. I am anxious all the time. I can't remember the last time I laughed a real laugh. Sleep helps me escape from this world. It's like I'm stuck in a deep hole in the ground and no one understands me." I said picking my head between my hands.

"Zeisha, I know how you feel. I understand but taking out your anger on anyone is not the solution. From what you have told me you have anger issues. You are depressed and have anxiety. You need to let go your negative thoughts, it will only bring you down and break you. Just like you did yesterday you broke down. You expressed your thoughts by crying. You can cry it's a normal thing. Relinquish your adverse feelings darling and for that to happen you need to bring down your barriers. You should let somebody in whom you can love." The therapist explains kindly with a friendly smile.

"I don't think I am capable of loving someone. I just fear that if they look deep into me they will think I am an anomaly. Thats why I don't let them get too close to me. It might fix me but it can also broke me."

Mrs.Johnson smiles kindly. "You are not a freak or crazy. This is normal for teenagers. They have lots of load on their mind. You just have Barriers around yourself that you don't let anyone get close to. Just express whatever you feel and all this will come down with it."

"Thanks Mrs. Johnson. I'll try doing it.". I smiled warmly to her.

"No worries dear. Just try controlling your anger. You should let go your hostile thoughts and maybe when one day you will find love that person will take away your problems.Just communicate your emotions to them. They'll understand you. As for now, I am here for you Zeisha".

After the session, I felt lighter but the emptiness inside me didn't vanished. Even though it felt lighter, the therapy session somewhat made it worse. I now know the things I do on daily basis. I don't feel normal when I feel all these things. I just can hope as hoping fills the holes of my frustration in my heart.

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