The cripple and the shieldmaiden

// 19 //

           

Torhild never felt like this before, she never wanted to kill someone so badly, she never wanted to run away so fast as she did now. Her emotions didn't found grounding in her head and it bounched her from one place to another. Whoever that new soldier in charge was, he wasn't good for the village and she knew that if she should stay he would provoke her to the limits. So she took a saddle and dropped it on one of the animals they had. That assasin plan Ivar had all maked sense now, even if it wasn't the way. The horse didn't knew what overcame him when she saddled him so harch, blood still dripping from her cheek. 'Torhild.' She didn't turned around to her brother, she just kept her eyes on the horse. And when he was ready she leaded him to the middle of the road. Björn took the reins and looked at her. 'You are running away?' He asked. Torhild let her eyes fall on the other brothers and Ase who stood on a safe distant, Ivar with possible more rage in his eyes than she had.
'Let me go, I can do it on foot to.' She pointed neutral to the road. No, she wouldn't get her emotions in the way from her task.
'Why are you doing this?' His voice wasn't deep like usual, he cared enough to soften it a little.
'Why?' She let the reins loose and pointed towards the road leading to the great hall. 'I'm no good here brother, I don't belong here, don't you see, I putt you all in danger. He is challeging me to make a mistake, to let one of you make a mistake.'
'We won't.' Reassured Björn her.
'No, brother. Don't tell me you didn't want to kill him, I wanted to kill him, Ivar still wants to kill him.' She nodded towards Ivar who sat on the ground now, between his brothers. Everyone who knew Ivar a little knew that he wouldn't rest until he got some kind of revenge. The only think that saved that soldier was the fact that Ivar hung between his two brothers. 'I'm going back, I'm safer their then I am here.' She whispered, taking the reins back, putting a  foot in the stirrup. Björn pulled her away from the horse and slammed her with her back against a wooden house.
'You are going nowhere. The safest place for you to be is by my side.' He warned her. Torhild clenshed her jaws in anger and only looked at him, stubborn and angry.
'What holds him back to rape me? Or worse, murder me in my sleep. He can do anything, they can do anything and we nothing. We can't touch them but they can touch us. That won't be the last time.' She pointed, yelling almost. She tried to push him away but he didn't give in. 'Björn!' She yelled, almost pulling out her axe to knock him out of his position. He grabbed the axe before she could, preshed his hand a little harder against her shoulder until she shrank a little in pain. His face expressions stoftened a little, he pulled his hand away from her schoulder and laid it against her good cheek.
'Don't let your emotions get away with you. You are young Torhild, you are still learning and you will overcome this. Don't make any rash decisions. Sleep about it, if you tomorrow still think the same thing than you and Hvitserk can go.' He stroke his thumb over her cheek and smiled concered. 'You maybe aren't a daughter of Ragnar but you are a daughter of Lagertha, there is nothing that beats that.' And he walked away from her. Torhild looked at him before she looked at the horse. Maybe she had to think about it, just one night. Her eyes gazed towards a group of soldiers, she recognized that man immidiatly. She touched her cheek, looked at the blood on her fingertips and walked away.

Her own words kept following her. What if he would come to rape her? What if he came to kill her in her sleep. Torhild laid with a knife on her chest, looking to the ceiling trying to get in front of her own emotions. What had she done ... the deal maked it impossible to do those soldiers harm, or unleas her own life was taking. Maybe it was for the best, but what then, war? Violence? As long as her mother didn't come they hadn't the manpower to take down King Aethelwulf. Being in his kingdom would be safer for her but who would hold Ivar back here? So Björn was right, she had to stay here, face the problems and find a solution to it before it was to late. Or she could just solve the problem by the root, killing Aethelwulf, just like Ivar wanted. She jerked her head around when she heard something outside. Torhild came from the bed, her knife steady in her fist while she walked to the door that slowly cracked open. And then she saw a couple of hands pulling a body inside and she lowered her knife. Ivar looked up to her. 'What were you going to do, kill me?' He asked neutral. She shut the door behind him and turned back to the bed.
'What is it Ivar, not in the mood to handle you right now.' She murmured, dropping down on the bed again, lying in the same position, knife resting on her chest.
'Do you expect company?'
'I mean it Ivar.' Torhild warned him. He didn't replied, he just pulled himself on the bed, sitting beside her lying body.
'I will kill him for you.' And there it was, the promise she already spotted in his eyes when Björn came looking for her.
'Then you kill me to.' She whispered. He shifted his weight on the bed, hovering over her so she hadn't a change to ingore his strong blue eyes.
'I will protect you.' He reassured her. She looked at him, wanted to push him away but he grabbed her wrist before she could. He pushed it aside her head, not letting go of it.
'Go away.' She reacted.
'It's me Torhild.' He just said and she broke. She felt her emotion shatter in hundered pieces while tears started welling up in her eyes.
'I never felt like this before, so powerless, I hate that feeling.' Her tears turned in anger again, she wrapped her fingers around his collor. 'We need to kill him Ivar, Aethelwulf.' She insisted. He looked at here, gauging her thoughts. It was weird that she was the one out of control now and he the steady one was.
'We will, I will kill him for you.'
'I want to kill him myself.' She hissed softly. Her fingers came loose from his collor, reaching for the knife on her chest. His hand still pushed her wrist aside her head in the bed, his head hardly from hers removed. 'With this knife.' She whispered, holding the knife up while she intens gazed at it. Something changed in Ivar his eyes, was it proud? Admirering? Lust? He looked at the knife with a strange sence of affection, like it was that knife who would safe everybody. 'I kill him.' She repeated herself. Ivar let her wrist go, his fingers stroking her arm and she shuddered under his touch before he stopped at her shoulder. Torhild relaxed under her rage, her confident to kill Aethelwulf. She found some control back over her emotions and let her anger settle in. 'Am I good enough, a shield maiden?' She asked, still looking at the knife. Ivar took it from her, laid it aside him on the bed. She looked at him again, to the strong affection in his eyes.
'Yes you are.' He whispered while lowering his head closer to hers. Torhild studied his face, where was all his confident? His cockiness to be the best? 'Am I good enough, to be yours?' He asked on his turn. She never really replied on the question, she pulled him closer, placed her lips against his. He hestitated for a second, before he opened his lips and kissed her back. It was a different kind of kiss, not with the same passion as in his chariot, more intens but steady. Torhild arched her back, pushing her body against his and it maked him hungrier. His kiss became demanding, he let her lips go, traveled his over her jawline, neck, her colorbone. She had Hvitserk more than once but it wasn't the same. Her fingers untied his shirt, pulling it over his head. Roaming his skin with her fingers while she kissed him again crossed a line for him. She felt him tensing when her fingers roamed his lower stomach.
'Ivar.' She whispered against his lips, in longing to want more.
'Torhild, I can't, you know that. Besides, you're not in the right mind.' He murmuled against her throat, leaving small kisses everywhere. She wrapped her fingers around his chin and pulled him back so she could watch him.
'What a slavegirl is forced to do is not the same as what I can do out of love. And I'm in the same mind as you currently.' That last part a little stubborn. Ivar chuckled, let his body fell aside her on the bed. She turned on her stomach, looking angry. 'You ruin a perfectly good moment.'
'You should sleep.' He protested. She pulled herself a little closer, resting her fingertips on his bare chest.
'Since when are you all about ingoring inner instinct?' She asked. Ivar studied her face and while he did it she saw a little bit of his old self coming back.
'I'm fearless in a fight, I will kill everybody without mercy but loving somebody like I loved you all those years isn't that easy for me.' And she knew that. Ivar was always distant against everybody. Only around Torhild, when nobody looked he dropped his guard and reaveled then a whole other part of himself. She turned her head when she heared some soldiers walking by, that and the fact Ivar touched her cheek brought everything back.
'I will go back to the king, I will live there and I will kill him on the right moment.' She encouraged her own plan. Ivar smiled a little, a tender but slightly proud smile.
'Only if you let me come.'
'Or what else?' She challeged him. Now his eyes became hungry again, dominant, like she was just from him.
'Or you stay here and we figure it out.' He answered. Torhild looked at his chest before she turned on her back, both looking at the ceiling.
'He will provoke you.'
'And I will kill him if he tries.'
'Ivar,' she started in despare. He held his hand before her mouth, turning his back towards the door.
'Is this the princess her part?' She heared a man asking. She recognized the voice, it was that man, the man who hitted her. Torhild pushed her body up and looked for the knife but Ivar already had it in his hands.
'Yes, we think so, do you want me to wake her?'
'No, let her be afraid for some time. She can tell herself that she is a viking but she's just a girl, I will break her.' She heared them softly laughing before the sounds faded away.
'It's your choise Torhild but if you stay,' he looked aside to her. 'I'm not letting you out of my sight.'
'I hoped you would say that.' She whispered. It worked, she became afraid ... shieldmaidens didn't suppose to be afraid, they had to be fearless. 'I will kill him.' She said to herself while laying back again.
'Yes, you will.' Ivar reassured, playing with the knife while he kept watch over her.

Note; So ... what should they do, go kill Aethelwulf or stay and waith for Lagertha?