Never Again

Chapter 46: Disbelief

Hey guys, time for another update! I have to say though that this will probably be my last update in a while, or my updates will become less regular. I'm leaving for Ireland tomorrow, because I'm going to travel the island on my own for two months. I'm excited, but scared as hell and I don't know if I have time to write while I'm there.

I hope you'll like this chapter though, you'll finally find out what's going on! I'm so sorry for doing this though, it was very hard to write for me as well, don't hate me please. Just remember: when you're down, there's nowhere else to go but up.

Her whole body felt numb, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from Seb and the blonde girl. Her heart was aching and it felt like her throat was closed off, so hard was it to breath. Seb was smiling while talking and the blonde girl laughed in response. She recognised the blonde girl, because she had often came into the cafe. Not for drinking coffee, but she always bought a cake to take home. Was she one of many girls, someone else to throw away when he seemed fit, or was she more than that? She didn't know, but it looked like they knew each other pretty well, so the girl could even be his girlfriend for all she knew. It stung to think about it, because then she probably bought those cakes to celebrate something with Seb. She felt sick when the image of Seb and that girl sitting together on a large sofa clouded her mind, his hands were touching her and he smiled that same smile which made her go weak at the knees.

She stood there for several minutes without moving, fully focussed on what was happening inside. She let out a silent yell when Seb grabbed the girl's hands and bend over the table to be closer to her. His fond expression on his face made her nauseous, as that was the same expression he sometimes showed when he looked at her. He looked and acted exactly the same as she remembered him and that made her feel even worse, it confirmed that he used this tactics on everyone else. She was stupid to have fallen for it and how could she have thought that he perhaps liked her? Of course he didn't like her, she was just convenient, that was all. Her head was now spinning and everything was blurry, she thought he was different from all the other racing drivers, but clearly he was just the same.

While staring at the window, she couldn't stop thinking about their kiss. She hated herself for kissing him because this was the result, feeling like she had been run over by a truck. If they hadn't kissed she could have dismissed it as a fuck up of her judgement, because she then could have made herself believe that it had all been in her head. However she now knew that it wasn't and she could still feel his body against hers, his lips pressed against her own, which hurt massively. The tears were now coming thick and fast and she had clinched her fists, but she still wasn't able to look away. They looked so happy together, Seb was smiling the whole time and she couldn't help but feel her stomach lurch whenever he smiled. His smile was still perfect and still able to make her lose her head, damn it.

She had thought that it couldn't get much worse, but when she saw the girl bending over the table to get closer to Seb she felt like her world came crashing down. Seb replied by also leaning in closer and before she could avert her eyes they kissed. No, this wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening. She needed to get away, she didn't want to see this, because her heart had just shattered into a thousand pieces. The image of Seb kissing another girl was now burnt into her memory and she knew this was coming back to haunt her. The tears were still streaming down her face and she couldn't forget how Seb had looked at the girl, like he really loved her. How could she have been this mistaken about Seb, how could she not have noticed anything. A voice in her head told her it was because she was stupid and ignorant, how else could she have ended up with David?

Suddenly with new found determination she picked up her bags and turned her back on the restaurant. It wasn't going to get better if she kept staring at them and she was really hungry by now. She had to take care of herself, otherwise she would feel like shit this coming race weekend. Damn, racing, she had forgotten about that. She couldn't get rid of Seb, because they worked together, closely. Why on earth had she agreed to this job in the first place? The only thing she could do now was act like a grownup and just do the best job she could, most of the time he would be in the car anyway. Yes, this was all going to work out just fine, right?