Never Again

Chapter 56: Heartache

Hey guys, it's been a while! I'm so sorry that I wasn't able to update, but I've been so busy since I came home from Ireland. I still am, so I won't be updating as frequently, but I try to keep on writing. This chapter was one of the hardest to write, but I hope you'll like it :)

She recognised that voice, she would always recognise that voice as she was sure that she could never forget it. Hearing it breaking the silence, without any warning, sent shivers down her spine. A lonesome tear fell down on the page she was reading, leaving a mark on the paper that was reflecting how she was feeling on the inside. His voice had cut right through the walls she had built up again and it had hit her right there where it hurt the most: her heart. She felt her heartbeat quickening and a tightness in her chest made it difficult to breath. She didn't dare to look sideways, she was too afraid that when she actually saw him it would hurt too much.

'I need to talk to you, please,' Seb began again. His voice was surprisingly soft, despite the importance of his intentions. However his eyes had became lustreless, there was no hint of the usual twinkle and it looked like he hadn't slept for days.

With her eyes focussed on the ground she tried to hold herself together. 'Please, leave me alone,' she almost whispered and she wasn't sure he had heard her. She couldn't bring herself to repeat it though and concentrated on counting the stones that were laying at her feet.

'No, I can't. I have done that long enough and I can't do it anymore. I need to explain everything,' he responded after a short moment of silence. His voice sounded more certain this time and it was clear that he wasn't giving up that easily.

Keira screwed her eyes shut and focussed on her breathing. 'Just go, please. I know everything, so there's no need to explain,' she said while another tear ran down her cheek. 'I just want to be alone, please,' this time around it sounded more like pleading. She desperately wanted to get out of the situation, but she knew Seb would be able to follow her wherever she would go. Why did he have to be here? Of all the times she had been here alone, he had to be here too when she wanted to be alone the most.

A sigh was audible in the otherwise silent place. 'You don't know everything, there's so much I haven't told you yet,' Seb looked at his hands and was visibly thinking things over.

'I figured them out on my own, so you don't have to spend your energy on explaining things,' she almost interrupted him, thinking of all the things she had found out about him. About Hanna. About him and Hanna. Her shoulders dropped and she buried her face in her hands, she didn't want to think about it anymore.

'I don't think you know everything, just listen to me. If you still hate me then, that's fine, I just want you to know why I acted the way I did,' he had lowered his voice, as if he was afraid someone else could hear them. His blonde hair was messy, but instead of that normally making him more attractive, it now looked like he had been neglecting himself. It was tangled in knots and the shine that often made his hair look golden in the sunlight had now turned into a dull reflection of the lack of care.

Something deep inside her was thinking his words over, while her head told her to ignore his words and don't let him talk her into things she didn't want. She was torn between her feelings and her level-headedness, because somehow she was interested in what he had to say. Maybe there indeed was a good explanation for it all, despite the unlikeliness of that scenario. On the other hand, despite maybe there being a good explanation, it didn't change anything how he had made her feel. He hadn't trusted her, he hadn't thought her trustworthy and that hurt a lot. The whole confusion of the situation made her head spin and without being able to stop it, tears were leaking from her eyes again.