Shadows Of Us. (Connor Jessup fanfic)

Chapter 3: It's My Fault...

Arabella's POV

I just shrug at his last question. When you first meet a person, you don't lay your mistakes, regrets and troubles on them. I fake another smile. I feel like every time i smile it's fake. I just want to be happy again. I want to move forward from all of the shit that has happened. Not just from a few months ago, but everything. It feels like, once I'm happy, the universe just goes, "oh, you're happy? Let me fix that." and i must say, it sucks.

"So, have you made any friends besides me?" I say hoping we're sorta friends now... He shakes his head as a no.

"Everyone, well, almost everyone are pretty harsh. Things were pretty much the same at my last school. Not as bad, but it's my first day. I'm just kinda in the 'Fresh Meat' phase." He says and shrugs his shoulders.

"Well, I'm sure it'll get better. Then again, it's high school. Most of the time high school is only fun on T.V." We both laugh.

"Yeah, pretty sure society is also to blame."

"Amen to that." He laughs. He seems like a chill guy.

"So do you have any siblings?" He asks i nod.

"Yup. I have one younger sister named, Kenzie. She's a fish here. What about you?"

"I have an older brother. He's annoying as hell. His name is Liam and he's 21." He states. "What's a fish?"

"It's just what we call freshman here." He nods "And that's actually really cool. I've always wanted an older brother. You should consider yourself lucky..."

"I guess it cool sometimes. I miss him though. He's actually in the Marines so i don't get to see him very much anymore." He says and half smiles.

"Well, i am sure he will make it home safely." I smile.

Before either of us get to reply the bells rings meaning lunch is over. We both get up, and head out of the cafeteria while making small talk. We also have the next two classes together which is cool. We both walk to math.

"Like, seriously though. It took her like 12 episodes to figure out the governor was a bad guy. And she has no problem opening her legs for him, but then she can't open them wide enough to pick up a pair of pliers. The dumb bitch deserved to die."

"That is really harsh. I feel like Andrea was still of use. She shouldn't have died in my opinion."

"She was only of use to kill the Governor. Did she do it? No. Did she have like a billion chances? Hell to the muthafucken yeah." We're currently in a debate about the season 3 finale of The Walking Dead.

"Well maybe you're right..." He mumbled under his breath.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" I say teasing him.

"I said maybe you're right." He said at a normal volume.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't quite catch that. What did you say?" I put my hand to my ear and leaned closer to him.

"I SAID MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT." He yelled. I smile in victory.

"i actually heard you the first time. I just like busting you're balls." I skip off to math and he follows rolling his gorgeous green eyes. I had to admit, they we're beautiful. I probably sound like some sort of psychopath with an eyeball fetish. Oddly, when it came to his eyes, i was... He also had short blonde-ish hair, and he was about 6 foot so he pretty much towered over me considering i was only 5'3... Leave me and my short self alone.

We both walk in and all eyes are on Connor. I can tell it made him uncomfortable. I just patted his back and sat in my seat in the back while Mrs. Leeb checked his schedule. The teacher then introduced him and he sat in the empty seat to my right. Also Christina's seat... I need to move on. I can't change anything that happened no matter how much I want to. People say it wasn't my fault, but i still think it is. All the memories that happened that day started to flash back. The tears kept threatening to escape my eyes but I just attempt to blink them away yet, I fail.

I walk up to to Mrs. Leeb's desk. I need to get out of here. I refuse to let these people see me upset.

"May I go to the bathroom?" I ask. She nods and writes me a pass and mouths, "are you okay?" I just nod and fast walk out of the class. As soon as I was out, the tears just kept falling and I couldn't fight it.

I ran into the nearest restroom and close the door behind me, lock it and fall to the ground uncontrollably sobbing.

I need to stop.

Stop crying.

It's not your fault.

I kept repeating  to myself. Even though I can't stop. And it is my fault. I get up and go to the mirror. I look like a mess. My eyes are bloodshot and puffy. My hair is a mess. I turn on the faucet and splash some cold water on my face. It helps a little. I let my hair out of my ponytail and run my fingers through it. I try to put it back in a ponytail again, but the rubber band snaps. Wonderful. I now feel defenseless. I look in the mirror again. Not as bad, but I look completely different with my hair down. Oh well.. Nothing I can do at the moment.

I walk into the hall, and accidentally bump into someone. Causing everything in there hands to fall to the ground. I immediately help them pick everything up.

"I am so sorry i didn't mean-" I looked at the person. I hand them there stuff. Katie... She looked surprised to see me. It's not like I lived in Narnia.

"It's okay. I should've payed more attention." She smiles and walks away.

"Hey, are, uhm. Are we okay?" I ask. Last time we spoke, well, we didn't really talk. More like yelled and screamed at each other so whatever that tells you.

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ever made you feel like it was your fault. I was just mad..." She looks at the ground.

"It's okay. I mean, it kinda was my fau-"

"No it wasn't. You didn't do anything wrong. And if it was your fault, then it was mine too. We both should've been there for her."

"Yeah. I still just wonder why she would do that..."

"I have no idea. I have to get back to class, I'm already late enough. But I'll talk to you later" She says and smiles.

"Okay." I smile back and we hug and i walk back to class.

I get in front of the door and take a deep breath. I walk in shockingly nobody looks at me. Thank God... I head to my seat and do my work.

Before i know it, the bell rings.

****

Connor's POV

Me and Arabella decided to walk to theater together.

"Are you okay?" I ask randomly while walking and i can tell she is surprised and uncomfortable with the question.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She says and smiles. The morning i would've believed it. But now getting to know her, i don't.

------------

A/N So hopefully you guys and gals enjoyed it, if not, well... I have some interesting stuff for next chapter which i will try to make a little longer.

So that being said, give me feedback, let me know how you feel. You can even pretend that i am Dr. Phil.... Also, i write these in advance even the authors notes so yeah. For all you know i could've wrote this 6 months ago and am just now posting it.

Until next time, garlic bread sticks. Until next time.

Miranda_Lee_ ⇦ follow me on twitter. I might follow back... i might.