Somebody Else - (RML fanfic)

Chapter 8

I took all my things that make sound, the rest I can do without.

An airplane flew over our building as I laid there, failing to get some sleep. It made me think of the many, many, flights I took while moving from city to city. Then I reminisced farther into the past, the times when Rocky and I were still together. From the times we went in trips together, to when I'd go watch R5 perform in other locations.

After a while I found myself back in the present, where he was on a flight right now coming back from the Caribbean. I knew at that moment that sleep was hopeless. It caused me to continue to lie awake in silence. I glanced through the blinds on my window. The stars in the distance were painted across the blue and black sky, accompanied by the moonlight dancing through the night.

The view would make a pretty good picture, so I slid off my bed and grabbed my camera. A few clicks later, I just stared out the window silently. The sounds of that jet were still repeating inside me. I knew I had to get them out of my head or they would've continued to haunt me. The best way to block it out is with good music-- a life tip I learned from Rocky.

I quickly and lazily plugged my iPod into my speaker, and let the rhythms guide me from there. I collapsed on my bed and soaked up each beat. The song that played first was "Lostmyhead" by The 1975. They were a frequent artist on my playlist, so when a few other of their songs popped up after it, I wasn't surprised. After ones like "Robbers", "Please Be Naked", and "Loving Someone", a familiar tune hit my ears: "Fallingforyou."

I reminisced once again about the dance I had with Rocky just over two weeks ago. I had a moment of mere happiness as I thought about how close we were. The happy feeling still stayed with me after the song ended. Until the next song gave me a completely different feel. One that was comforting and saddening at the same time. Both emotions came from how relatable it had suddenly become. The song was "Somebody Else."

I don't want your body, but I hate to think about you with somebody else..

I laid there silently and focused on each lyric; how each word had suddenly reflected my emotions.

"So I heard you found somebody else. And at first I thought it was a lie..."

The truth in that phrase astounded me. Along with other parts in the song such as the whole chorus and the part in the second verse where it says "Every time I start to believe that everything you're saying, I'm reminded that I should be getting over it."

Everything about it reminded me of Rocky and Anna. The music connected me to the feeling

It then hit me that if Alexis finds out I'm down about it again, she'll give me another lecture. She's smart and always knows what she's talking about, but I'm in no mood to listen to it. Plus, she might get annoyed if she has to keep repeating herself. For now, I'll hide my emotion, and use "music therapy" when needed.

Eventually, I fell asleep and had mixed morning feelings when waking up. A part of me was happy. Happy because of a few different things, but maybe I was even happy for Rocky. He's happy, right? So why should I mope around feeling sorry for myself? But I still won't be able to find that comforting feeling I got when I was with him. Am I just being selfish?

While I laid in bed thinking about the answer to those questions, Alexis came in unexpectedly. "Hey, I want to tell you something," she said.
"Go ahead."
"I don't want you to take any of my talks the wrong way or think the way your feeling is wrong. It's not a sin to be in love, and there are a lot of people in the world who feel the same way you do."

"Thanks, but I'm fine," I lied. Not just to her, but to myself too. "Are you really?" She caught onto my attempted falsehood. I remembered the lyrics to the song from earlier and my emotions began to leak. "Fine... I'm not as okay as I thought I was," I confessed. I sucked everything down again. "I don't want to talk about it, though," I said quickly. Even more, I don't want to keep bothering Alexis about this.