But I Love him..

Ch. 5

X P.O.V

Damn man I ain't gon' lie to see my girl flinch away from me like that had me feeling some kinda way. I know I put that fear in her heart but damn she just straight scared of me. I admit a nigga get to trippen sometimes and I may go upside her head every now and again but fuck I don't want her to be scared of me, I just want her to know her place.

I'm the king of this castle, I'm the bread winner! I puts the bacon on that expensive ass table she just had to have flown in from overseas. I don't mean to hurt her but I just like shit done a certain way and if it ain't done accordingly there are consequences and repercussions.

But on the real I'm gon try to control my temper while she pregnant, I ain't gon' lie a nigga was ready to get in her ass when she said she was gon' leave, but I punched the wall instead of her this time. Once I regained my composure I was able to break down her new found strength and put this dick on her now she's dead to the world.

I'm just sitting here contemplating my next move while shes sleeping. Maybe I should propose to her, bitches like shit like that. I gotta let her know she ain't expendable, make her remember she special. Maybe I should get her a hobby so she won't be so bored and have too much time to think, because the more she thinks the more she'll think about leaving and that ain't happenin'. She on bed rest so she can't do too much, maybe I'll get her a puppy.

I heard her groan, interrupting my thoughts. I looked over at her and she was opening her eyes.

"Hey baby, how you feeling?" I asked as I kissed her forehead and pulled her into me. She released a heavy sigh, not of aggravation but of exhaustion.

"I'm just tired." She said not looking at anything in particularly.

"Go back to sleep then baby, let's go get in our bed." I said sitting up straight as opposed to leaning back like I was before.

She sighed again before speaking.

"Xavi I'm tired in a mental and emotional way. You may have clouded my judgment earlier with good dick but I have not changed my mind about leaving you, I'm just too drained physically right now to take action. I'm not sleeping in the same bed with you and we're not having sex again. I can't forgive you, I love you so much, I even love you more than I love myself but not more than the life inside of me I will not put our child's life in danger at your hands, I refuse." That shit cut deep. It pissed me off but I remained calm, my jaw flexed before I spoke.

"Leigha I understand you need time but I will not lose you, you are my world, I promise I'm gonna change for you ma! Shit gon' be real different round' here, I refuse to let you leave me, you want your space I'll give you that but only for so long, you know a nigga can't sleep without you." Shit it's true, she the only person I trust to close my eyes around, not even my other bitch.

"X how you just gon' make a decision like this for me? You're not gonna change for me and I don't want you to! Change because you want to be a better person for yourself and your children! Don't change because you think it's gonna make me stay! Change because your daughter needs a you to be a man! One. she can look up to and be able to say I want my husband to be like my father. Young girls look for men like their daddy, can you honestly say you want your daughter to be with a man like you?" What she was saying was right and I was feeling way worse than before! I was getting more and more angry but this time my anger was directed at myself not Leigha.

"I'ma change for my family, just give me a chance to get shit right! I'm trying Leigh fuck! And what the fuck you mean by you ain't gon put our child's life in danger at my hands? You think I'll hurt my baby? My child Leigh! Is that what the fuck you think of me?" I was fuming I had done jumped up and started pacing the floor. That shit finally registered in my head, did she really think a nigga would hurt his kid?

"It don't even matter if you change the damage is done, and I don't know what you'll do so I'm not taking the chance."

"I'm sorry baby I promise you I'm gon' do right, I can't be without you! You can't leave me bae!"

"X I can't with you, just let me be man, stop acting like you care about me all of a sudden!" She said sounding irritated.

"Leigha I love you, you know that!"

"Did you love me while you was making a baby with someone else? What about while you were beating my ass? Or when you made me sit in the corner with my knees in rice? I bet you were just loving me to pieces when you put me in a coma for three days huh!" I winced.

"Don't do that Leigh, that's not fair you know I-"

"FAIR?" she screamed. "You misogynistic piece of shit I'm three months pregnant and malnourished with a fucking concussion all because of you and your mistreatment of me! Equality is the last thing you need to be speaking to me about!" I took a deep breath to refrain from sending her ass through the wall for that smart ass mouth of hers. Instead I began to speak through gritted teeth.

"Watch ya mouth, and I'm done discussing this with you, ya ass ain't going nowhere so dead that, I'm about to order some food for you to eat and then I want you take a bath relax and get in the bed and wait on Daddy, you got that?" I raised my eyebrow after I finished daring her to challenge my authority, instead she submissively slumped back and nodded her head in agreement.

"Use your words." She sighed and said,

"I got you." I'm glad she complied ain't no telling what I would've did if she kept up that defiant act.