Untamed Hearts

24 :- Attempt

XXIV. Attempt

Song of the Day: - Mysterious Girl by Peter Andre

* On My Phone by Jack Miz

Madison Shepherd

Days had turned into weeks and Angelo was gone. Of course it wasn't as easy as just wishing him away, he was at school everyday and we still had the same classes. But he was gone. He had told me to leave and there was nothing I could do. The pain was still there, but with Jasper, it was easy to forget. To pretend that it was only Jasper who was in my life. But at night, I had no control over the dreams that haunted me. Dreams filled with his face, his words or the way he kissed me, worst of all were his promises. Promises that now burned a hole in me just to think about them. I couldn't stop the dreams, but I could at least try to stop the memories. I did put in a good deal of effort though.

Jasper was always there. It was amazing really, how he knew what to say, what to do, how to act. We never spoke of him though because he knew how much I couldn't bear it.

Jasper didn’t try to fill in any void, he didn’t try to make excuses; he was just Jasper. I pretended I didn’t know how he felt about me, maybe if I pretended hard enough I wouldn’t feel so guilty about using him like this, because that was what I was doing. Jasper was just a naturally happy person and was willing to spread that happiness to everyone around. We never spoke about Angelo, in fact he was just as happy to pretend Angelo did not exist and I was fine with that. It had been a month since our showdown in front of the strip club, a month since he had pointed a gun to my face and told me he hated me. A month that went by very slowly. It was worse when I saw him constantly, worse when we were forced into the same classroom, worse when I would stumble upon him in the hallway. He would just look at me long and hard, his gold eyes icy, then the eyes would just become distant, like he was staring at some unknown human being. That hurt more. I would rather deal with his hate than this lack of emotion.  And then I would get angry with myself, what did I care what Angelo of all people suddenly thought of me? He had told me in no certain terms to get out of his life. I refused to admit to myself, that I just could not let go. I constantly worried about him.

Behind the clouds of anger and indignation that I felt for him, there was still some part of me that wanted to smack some sense into him, to tell him to stop this gangster nonsense he was doing. Was he doing it to punish me or something? But that didn’t make sense. I could still remember his angry words, “If you want someone to blame, why don’t you blame those fucking Marc- Nuoahs you love so much! You all did this to me. You all fucked me up, Madison.”  Whatever reasons for his misguided thinking, I wanted to know, whatever about Jasper or the Marc-Nuoahs would drive him to his self destructive behavior? It all gave me such a miserable headache when I thought about it.

  Angelo had seemed the epitome of what a guy was to be, strange as it was, within the short time we had begun to know each other again, I worshipped him. A kind or small word from him would be the height of my day. Was I obsessed? Maybe, all I knew was that I had never felt this way about anyone before. And just like that, the fairy tale image had crumbled. Angelo who had seemed infallible was actually very fallible. I had sensed before that he could be cruel, but I never knew to this extent. It was just as well though, if it wasn't meant to be then it wasn't meant to be and it was just as well that I ought to stop torturing myself with things that might have been. My dad was beside himself with joy, Jasper and I were finally together. He was more lenient with me now more than ever and openly encouraged us as much as he can. I was embarrassed with his constant attentions and insinuations and Jasper being Jasper of course was amused. He told me in no certain terms that he wasn’t going to rush our relationship and I was fine with that leash. The last thing I wanted was a rebound from Angelo to Jasper.