Untamed Hearts

29:- Confession Time

29. Confession Time

Angelo Tallerico

I had been drinking.

I got numb when the liquor got into me and I appreciated that numbness. It was fine; it was welcome because I needed something to take the burn off everything.  I mean, it wasn't like I had anything to live for right? Alright, theatrics aside, but the truth was I had fucked up and I was man enough to admit it to myself. Damien and the guys all knew something was wrong but they knew better than to question me since I needed my space. Madison was gone and she was never coming back. I was going to make sure of that.

Imagine my reaction when Taralynn called and told me the truth. Madison had never slept with Jasper. Not in Macau or anywhere else. They had kissed but that had been it. She had been totally innocent the whole time and I had treated her like nothing. God, how I hated myself. I wanted nothing more than to die when I saw how foolish I had been. Gino had been right when he said it was only pride and temper that had been wrong with me. My pride and my temper had driven her away to Jasper and I deserved to have her taken away from me.

    I knew what I had to do. I had to let her know how I felt now. I wanted nothing more than to go to her, get on my knees and grovel for her to take me back, say that I would do anything just for us to be together again, but I know I couldn't do that. Even if she didn't hate me, and she did take me back, what kind of life did I have to offer her? I could not pull her into the drama and conspiracy that was now my life, she did not deserve hat from me. Oh God, I wanted to be selfish and beg her, but I could not. After a trail of monumental fuck ups, I had to make at least one right choice and the choice was to let her go. No matter how hard it killed me; no matter how the bad the pain felt I had to do it. And I did. And God, there was no pain to compare. To watch her eyes and know that there was no way I would ever receive another smile from them nearly killed me on the spot, but it had to end there. I had given her enough misery to last for one lifetime, it would hurt her now but she would get over it and she would turn to Jasper. Jasper that I had pushed her to time and again was finally going to have what he wanted. Whatever might have been, it was all gone now. I couldn't bear to be responsible for her unhappiness another day.

   After Madison, came the 41' single malt scotch. For the first time in my life, I wanted to get rip roaring drunk and I did, trouble was, with the intoxication came the need to pour out my soul and there was one place where I could do that and be encouraged. Confession. I had no way how I found my way to Our Lady of the Immaculate Heart, my church, but I staggered in and walked to the altar to kneel before the blonde life sized Virgin Mary. I took out my silver rosary and crossed myself.

"Holy Mary, mother of Jesus, pray for us sinners," I mumbled. "If God were to strike me dead right now, I would welcome it. He knows I deserve it after the hell I put people through."

The huge mahogany doors to the Priest's quarters were opened and heavyset bespectacled man dressed in black came out. Father Lucas frowned as he took in my haggard appearance and shock flitted across his face. "Angelo? Angelo Tallerico?"

I smiled drunkenly at him, "Father! Good to see you too!"I waved my almost empty bottle of liquor, "I don't suppose you have any extra communion wine lying about, since someone seems to have stolen this one."

"Are you drunk?" he asked in disapproval, "Dear Virgin, you are! What is going on?" He tried helping me up, "Your mother has been in and out to see me because of you! You have a lot to explain to me young man."