A Muslim's Past [COMPLETED]

Chapter 14

Hasnain's POV

Hannah was still playing on my mind. Every morning I got up, I got this sickening feeling in my heart that just seemed to follow me around the whole day.

If my mother had been alive, she would have been disappointed in me and all the choices I had made. That was the worst part of all this. I had made my own mother look bad in all this.

My mother had always tried to instil in us the importance of selfness. And in just a few months I had committed every sin possible that my mum had taught us against. I shook my head trying to rid myself of these thoughts. It wasn't healthy to think like this all the time, right?

I wished Hannah would talk to me but every time I had tried to call her again it had gone straight to voicemail. I missed Hannah so much. It's true when they say that you don't realise what you have until you don't have it anymore. She had been my backbone when my mother died. She had given me unconditional love and support. I guess there is only so much you can use someone for before they come to their senses.

These thoughts followed after me as I attended my lectures. I didn't know what to do. I watched the rest of my classmates leave the theatre. They all seemed so happy. I mean people did say that university was the best time of their lives. Maybe I should try out the student lifestyle.

As soon as the thought entered my head I scolded myself. How could I allow myself to think like that after everything that had happened to me?

My lectures finished at 4 and I left to go to the mosque. At the mosque, I saw Atif. I didn't know why but when I saw Atif, I felt a pang of guilt. I didn't know why but I assumed it had something to do with Amrah.

I had tried my best to stop thinking of Amrah but seeing Atif did not really help things. I didn't know why I was feeling this. You'd think I would know better after Hannah. Wait, what was I thinking? I did not like Amrah. But you just compared her to Hannah said the little voice in my head. You used to love Hannah it pestered me. I didn't like the voice in my head.

Atif punched me lightly on the shoulder,

"You wanna take your heads out of the clouds?" I felt awkward. I was glad he could not read my mind. I don't think he would appreciate me thinking of her like that. Although come to think of it, I didn't understand Atif and Amrah. They didn't make sense. At times it almost seemed like Amrah... I didn't really know how to describe it.

I noticed it though.

The slight flash of anger that disappeared within so quickly it made you doubt it was there. Or the subtle roll of the eyes. Or the pursed lips whenever Atif said something off. I didn't know what it was or whether I was merely imagining things. I shook my head and pushed the thoughts from my head.

My exam was less than a week. I did not feel prepared at all but then again I guess I would never ever feel prepared. I put my head back. I missed my mother so much. Nobody could ever imagine the pain of losing their mother. The one person who would give me unconditional love no matter what atrocities I would commit was gone.

It hit at the worst times. I hated talking about my mother to people. Everything I had done I knew I didn't deserve to have a mother like mine. Everyone looks up to their mother but I knew my mother was one of the sweetest, kindest people anyone would meet. After everything my mother had gone through they had never had any ill feeling towards anyone.

I loved my mother but I realised too late and I never even got to express it. I shook my head to rid myself of the guilt. You can't change the past I tried to convince myself.

My phone was ringing.

It was my cousin from Canada. Wait, wasn't it like 6AM there? Why was he calling me so early this morning? My heart started beating as I picked up the phone.

As I listened to my cousin, it felt as if my heart stopped.

I couldn't take another loss of a parent.

My dad had had an heart attack. They were in critical condition. This didn't even make sense. My dad didn't smoke, they were healthy, they stayed away from junk food.

My dad hadn't been feeling well for a few days now. But I had thought nothing of it. Why was I such a selfish brat? What kind of son was I?

I cut the phone call and booked the earliest flight back to Canada. I needed to see my father. If their time had come, then I needed to be there. I didn't even want to think what was going to happen.

----------

My ticket had been booked.

I was standing waiting for the coach to get to the airport. My head was reeling. I didn't even know what to think. I had never been all that close with my father. My dad might have had some unconventional ways of dealing with me but they always did what they thought was best for me.

I couldn't bear to think of losing them. My phone beeped. It was Amrah. I don't know why but my heart lifted just slightly seeing her name there.

Wow. I could not believe I just thought that. My father was in critical condition in hospital and I was thinking of a girl.

As I stood there, I noticed a hooded figure walk by. Just as he passed in front of me a piece of paper fell out of his pocket. I picked it up. It didn't look too important but you never know. I called out to him but I didn't think he heard me.

I sighed and walked up behind me and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around.

As soon as I saw his face, I knew I recognised him from somewhere. I couldn't quite place him though. I handed him the piece of paper,

"You dropped this." He raised his eyebrow.

"Thanks... I guess." Before he could walk away, I spoke again,

"You look really familiar. Do I know you?" He laughed then.

"Don't you remember me?" I shook my head. So I did know him. It wasn't just my imagination.

"I'm the one who you stopped from fighting with Atif." Realisation dawned on me and it came flooding back.

"Yeah I remember now." I hesitated before asking my question,

"Why exactly were you fighting?"

"Let's just say you don't know Atif all that well. I do. He can twist his actions all he wants and say they were for the greater good. But at the end of the day he is nothing but a heartless prick." I was getting angry now. Atif was a good guy.

"You obviously know a very different Atif to me. I don't exactly understand what you're accusing him off."

"Ask him. Ask him about the one time someone needed his support and he turned on her. Ask him about the time he manipulated an innocent girl's story and made her seem like an evil conniving witch. Ask him about the girl who believes everything is her fault because of him." What the hell was this kid on about?

"Which girl? Everyone makes mistakes. "

"Yeah but you don't continue making the same ones," he spat his words out.

"I don't think it's for you to judge someone. So what if he had a girlfriend? Why does that in any way affect you?" He smirked,

"I wasn't talking about a girlfriend. I was talking about someone who is meant to be his family." And for some reason everything clicked then.

"You're talking about Amrah, aren't you?" Surprise registered on his face.

"You know her?"

"Yeah. I do. She is the girl you're on about, isn't it?"

"I didn't realise you knew her. Look forget it. Forget I said anything. Unlike some people I don't want to hurt Amrah."

"I don't intend on hurting Amrah."

"It's either Atif or Amrah then." He started walking off then. I was so confused. What on earth could have happened between the two of them that there was this massive barrie between them? What had Atif done?