House To House
(18) Mantra
I was starting to get really worried at this point.
I had scoped out the entire house twice; and no sign of him at all.
My mind then fixated on one idea.
I had never checked the bathroom.
I slowly crept towards the door, and then had a "eureka" moment, as I could see a yellow light shining out from underneath the door.
I breathed a sigh of relief, and knocked on the door.
A feint scurrying sound emitted from behind the bathroom door, and it sounded a bit like someone trying to put something away.
"Michael?" I half whispered-half questioned.
In response, I could hear a loud crashing sound, and what I assumed to be a zipper that was being zipped up.
I winced; that sounded really painful.
Without any further hesitation, I turned the knob of the door, and stopped, my mouth dropping open, taking in my surroundings slowly.
No.
Just like Michael, I whispered the words over and over again like a mantra.
"No, no, no, no".
Maybe it was a little overdramatic, maybe it was because I was sleep deprived, restless, and didn't have any glasses on, but what I saw, was something that I really wished wasn't happening.
Michael was laying on the floor, head hanging over the bathtub, and his jacket he had previously been wearing throughout the day was on the floor.
The blades of an old razor were scattered on the floor, some of them covered in blood, and some of them appearing unused.
My eyes scanned over my body, and it took all of my strength not to burst into tears right then and there.
On the side of his hip, was a series of glowing red cuts, which I assumed to be inflicted by the blades on the floor.
I took no time grading the hand towel, wetting it, and pressing it to his side, trying to stop the bleeding.
Michael winced, and I could only imagine how painful this must've been for him.
I let a couple of tears slip, dropping my act of being strong, and pulled him closer to me.
"Shh". I told him.
Michael began whimpering, and for the second time that day, I could feel my heart being torn in two.
"I needed to punish myself". He choked out.
I shook my head in disbelief, my mind throwing me back to last night when I was hugging him; when he whimpered when I touched his side.
I think we may have stayed like that for more than an hour, in a twisted, awkward position with one of my hands pressed to his side, one to his shoulder, balancing myself just enough so I didn't fall over, even though i was sitting down.
By the time the morning had come, yes, we were both out of the bathroom, and in our individual beds, but I don't think either of us were sleeping.
I sat up, rubbing my eyes and reaching for my glasses, which were of course oh-so- conveniently not on my nightstand. I then remembered why they weren't. I shivered at the memory of how they got smashed.
I slowly let my feet take me to the staircase, running my hand along the glossy wood.
With every step i took, a new worry would replace the last one inside my head; was this my fault?
I clutched my pockets with my hands, and one of them came the rest on a small, rectangular object. My phone.
I pulled it out, turned it on, and began typing into the search bar.
"Signs a loved one might be self harming".
After reading the article, and wiping the remaining tears from my eyes, I came to a conclusion that I decided was set in stone.
This was all my fault.
A figure caught my eyes, darting between two cupboards quickly, and almost immediately, a temporary panic set in, but it was soon evicted as I realised it was Michael.
"Look, about last night"...
I trailed off slowly, realising my choice of words really wasn't all that great.
I looked up, catching a glimpse of his tear stained face; his eyes were red and puffy, there were botchy spots all over his face, and it looked a lot like he hadn't slept all day. I walked back up the stairs, leaving Michael on his own as my mind began to spin in circles.
How had all of this happened in the space of one day?
I tried to block everything out by doing what I knew I was supposed to be doing; putting on my school clothes, but my great idea proved to be and awful one as I realised it was Saturday.
Great.
Notes
SO ITS BEEN A WHOLE 5 DAYS AND SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED GUYS HONESTLY
Okay first things first I passed that lifeguard exam *Confetti burst*
And second I WROTE ACOUPLE NEW CHAPTERS YAY
-CM
