Lost.

Chapter 1 // Nightmare

Lost. is Copyright © Crystal Haik 2014. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced, used, or copied in any manner whatsoever without permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. This book is a work of fiction, names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author's imagination or as a part of fiction. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. No part of the publication can be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronically or mechanically, without permission in writing from the author.

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I stumble though the doors of my family's Sunday church, fumbling through the chairs as I fall to my knees before the pastures podium and engulf my face into my hands. Sobs and wheezes escape my rasped throat as I clutch onto my hair tightly, rocking back and forth. My lips tremble violently, as my jeans collect the grime that rests upon the floor of the church. The news that had been sprung upon me was taking its toll onto my system. My heart, and emotions were nowhere near able to handle the weight of this tragedy. How could this be? How could this happen to me after all that I've been put through already?

How I wish this wasn't real. Oh how I desperately wished this wasn't real. This small reality that finally came to life before my eyes was slowly tearing apart every single bone and limb and life  I had left inside my body. It had created the gardens that encased my heart to sprout thorns and I felt anger surge through my veins. The news reigned within my head, lingering, causing more tears to spew from my eyes. I hated the fact that this was real. That it really happened. I hated it, and if lonely and sad had a definition, right now, it would be me.

My sister, Cora, my poor poor sister, risking her own life. But for what? Before my once dazzling blue eyes was the sight that was engraved within my mind for all of my breathing moments and days.

Pain is just a simple compromise, now isn't it?

Deep down inside, my heart longed to run away and never be found again. Somehow I feel as if all of the mistakes I've made in life are simply unforgettable. Quite frankly, they're not unforgettable, they're memories I face every morning I peel my eyes open, memories I face when closing my heavy lids to fall into a deep slumber. The tragedies that occur around me just happen to be my fault, dont they? I swear, I was bad luck from the day I came out of my mother's womb. And I know this is all my fault, and I hate msyelf so much for it.

My fingers claw at the wooden podium, as I attempt to steady my breathing. Hot tears continue to stream from my swollen eyes as my loud sobs get caught in my throat, preventing me from crying out like a wounded animal. But yet, I deserve to feel the pain. This is my fault.

"Please." I choke, clutching onto my arms as I regain my breathing, taking in large amounts of air to sustain myself. Although I didn't exactly know who I was talking to, I felt that since my sister was so religous and always came here, she would be somehow listening to me. She was always coming here during hard times, fights at home, stress from school, probably to even get away from me. But, now I can understand why she liked it here. It's really quiet and peaceful, even if the local old ladies came by to do their short prayers and whisper amongst themselves.

The stained glass around the silent room and the sound of the small fountain in the back of the church is soothing. But not soothing enough to calm down my distraught self. The emptiness within my chest, aching, throbbing through out my body, my vulnerable heart paining while I do my best to push it aside. This dream definitely isn't feeling sweet. No, this nightmare. This is a nightmare I have woken up into.

I adjust my body to lean against the podium as I hug my knees close to my heaving chest. My tangled swarm of chestnut brown hair sweeps across my face, sticking to the wet warm tears that taste like salt against my dry tongue.