Lost.

Chapter 11 // Drunk Catepillar Kiss

I was frightened for my life for the next few days. Leslie still hadn't talked to me about what she'd done, and Matthew felt so bad about leaving me, he wouldn't come out of his room, only to get food. Kylie knew what happened that day at her footy practice because I told her and that had made her feel bad as well. Yet, she sort of already knew that there was no way she would've known when it happened, since she was at practice, which is one hundred and ten percent true. The parents didn't know, but at times they looked at all of us as if they could tell something were off.

Ash told me Red was getting a big time in jail for sexual assault, and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to feel pleased of ashamed of myself for causing that upon someone. I haven't even got to the best part yet though! Red's name wasn't even Red, it was Isaac. He was just making fun of my name which I found nowhere near amusing. I swear, in my head, I vowed I was going to find him and tell him that his name should be I-Suck, not Isaac.

Ash assured me that Isaac wasn't going to ever hurt me again and he'll make sure of it. Let's just say I've never exactly blushed that much in a while. He also started hanging out with me more, which confused me beyond belief, but sometimes I actually found myself enjoying his company. And here I thought he hated my guts. Okay, well maybe he does, and he's only hanging out with me because he feels bad, but it's nice to have his and his sister's company when Leslie and Matthew are out and about.

With Kylie and Ash, mostly Ash, it isn't the type of hangout where we tell each other our deepest secrets and sulk together, we joked around once and a while, which felt good to me, and we were usually filled with silence. Not an awkward silence, more of a peaceful, weird silence. The kind of silence where you just sit by yourself and think. As much as I know that thinking is bad for me, this time, it actually felt sensational to think about other things rather than what happened to my family. Although, it does linger in the back of my mind and causes me to want to launch myself off of a bridge.

Ash is still closed off as ever. I don't expect him to open up to me, because I know I won't either anytime soon. It's only reasonable and understandable I suppose, but sad as well. Why bad things happen to people, I may never know, but it seems to me that Ash was the victim of something horrible too that I will never ever be able to put my finger on. But I really don't want to be the girl that revolves her sanity and support system on a boy.

Other than that, I often still get an odd, strange feeling about Ash whenever we are together, but I do my best to push it away. But maybe it's just me, and I'm getting paranoid since that's what I do best towards everything. He and his family are nice to me, which is good enough for me despite my circumstances. His family has taken me in and treated me like family, unless it's just manners to be nice to their family's guest and friends, but it still feels good to be a part of someone's family nonetheless.

Today was sunny, surprisingly since all of the other days I had been here in the UK had been cold and rainy. But there was nothing wrong with cold and rainy, I actually enjoyed it, getting to stay home and drink tea and all. The sun is good too though I suppose, it makes Leslie and Gertrude force me out of the house and tan or what not. Cora loved the hot, sweaty, sunny days, whereas I kept my little secret of liking cold days instead.

Kylie, her mother, and Leslie's mother insisted on going out on a little girl's trip, but I couldn't bring myself to say no to them. Their beaming, happy smiles made my heart melt into little nothing. As if there was anything left anyways, just sad broken pieces I bet. Leslie was invited to come along too but she and Ash were headed to another party that she seemed pretty eager to attend. He didn't seem too happy to be going though.

Ultimately, we ended up going to the mall and other things the female population usually does. I lagged behind the group the entire way, not really minding the strange, curious looks I was getting from pass byers. Kylie and her mom seemed to be so infatuated with my body form, they made me try on the tightest of tightest clothes and dresses. Whereas Leslie's mother had been envying my hair and brows.