Diary of a broken soul

June 24, 2007

I've been thinking about her, I can't concentrate anymore, it's a year, a year of feeling alive again, I remember everything we did, I'm still surprised I didn't feel anything for her when I first saw her, I just thought she was an average girl, I didn't think she was ugly, but I was not interested in her, but now, it is all different, I changed a lot, she changed me in a good way, I could say she saved me from screwing up my entire life. I never cared about what my friends or any other guy say, I was in love with her, even if they said she was fat and ugly, I thought she was perfect, I still think that, they were blind, she was really pretty, she wasn't fat, but their ideals of perfection are not the same as mine, they think the perfect girl is really skinny, with blue eyes, curly blonde hair and big (but not enourmous) boobs. They don't care about their personality, they never did, that's why they are stupid, because of them, girls are doing impossible things to look perfect for guys, or at least, for them, I'm not handsome, but I'm not ugly, I'm not the perfect man, but I don't care, I like myself, I do now, I remember I didn't like at all my personality, I never (and still don't) cared about my looks, I don't find them as important as the personality, I was an asshole, I have to accept it, but she somehow saved me. Hope was a perfect name for a perfect girl like her (ironically she gave me hope), her green eyes were so perfect I can't describe them, they had a special shine, I'm not crazy, they did, her hair was brown and straight, she didn't like her hair, she said it was too normal, she wanted it to dye it blue or purple, I promised her one day I would be the first one to see her hair when she had it done, but I never did, there wasn't enough time for us, for her, I promised a lot of things to her, like I would find a way to keep her always happy, I failed with that promise too, I thought I had made her so happy it wasn't necessary to worry about sadness anymore, but she never told me it was all fake, I was stupid, I didn't notice it, until it was too late. Hope promised me a lot of things too, but I'm not in the mood to talk about them right now, I miss her, today June 24, is one year since we met, it happened so quickly I still I can't believe it, I don't regret anything we did, everything was perfect, was perfect. I don't understand why, why she left me when she promised she would stay with me, all I'm thinking about is her smile, I'm trying to analyze her smile in the little pictures we had, no, it's a lie, I'm sure it is a lie, she is still with me, I know she is.

----------------------------------------------

I hope you like this ily :)