Diary of a broken soul

Chapter 3

May 22, 2006

Anne told me that Belle is going to the camp too. I don't think it's fair that she told me, it's supposed to be like a secret isn't it? I can't believe it, it's just too weird, how come someone like Belle is depressed? when you say depression you imagine someone sad, not someone that is really happy or at least seems to be happy. I want to ask her if this is true but she didn't tell me for a reason, it's not okay to force her to tell me things, I'll find out the truth in 4 days, so it's okay. I hope she goes, I want to get closer to her, and maybe with this we can become something more.

May 23,2006

So, I just saw the list of people that are going to the camp, Belle is going, I'm shocked, I seriously thought Anne was lying. There are a lot of people in school that are going, apparently Anne is quite famous, most of this people are just like Belle, so happy it's impossible to notice they are depressed. I've noticed that that's really common, I don't understand why people try to cover it, it doesn't make any sense, I know they want people to make them feel better but they don't say anything. At least that's how I feel.

I was watching tv an hour ago, I don't really like it, I don't understand most of the programs, they're so stupid, babies could watch them. Sometimes I wonder if those fitness programs know that they affect many people, mostly girls, I've seen a lot of girls dying to be like the models you see there, literally dying, it's so stupid people always say "You're perfect the way you are" but still think models are perfect and that everybody should be like them, I hate hypocrite people. I mean, it's okay to try to be healthy but it isn't okay to try to be someone else, or try your best to be what society wants you to be. We all have our opinions about everything, but let's be honest, it was all altered by what society taught us, at least, for me it is like that. When I was a kid I didn't care if a girl was obese (really really obese), I still don't care, but I don't find it as attractive as a healthy girl is, and guess why? Because the only advertisements I've seen of clothes and that stuff are of ultra skinny models, they always use very skinny models, never real women. I really hope Belle isn't into that stuff, she seems to be healthy, a little skinny, but it's alright.

I really like the way she is now, I don't think she needs to "change". I don't think anyone needs to change. (Unless they're about to die from obesity or something like that). But noo! Society wants other people to change absolutely everything about themselves and be just like the stereotypes they place through the years.

Dad has been redecorating the house, he wants us to feel like this year we will be a new family, he wants us to change, he's painting all the walls with vivid colors, he says they will make me feel alive, why? he's insane, but at least he's trying to make me feel better, he's failing though. I don't feel like this is my home anymore. He's redecorating my room this weekend, while I'm gone. It is supposed to be a nice surprise but no, it won't. I won't feel comfortable. Well, I guess it won't hurt me to give it a try.